New to board - my story
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New to board - my story
| Wed, 03-17-2004 - 1:25pm |
Hi, I've just discovered you're board and after reading some posts was compelled to write. I've been married 10 years this past month. Three kids, still young. My marriage has always pretty much lacked passion. Hubby is more of the 9-5, football on Sundays, golf on Saturdays type of guy. When we married I knew I was marrying more for his reliability/stability than my passion for him (which might have been a mistake). The last couple of years I've been lucky enough to stay at home raising the kids while he maintains the bulk of the income. I have got other interests like some work-at-home stuff, working out, kids are still the bulk of my time. During the past 5 mos I've met a guy during my work on-line. We've never met in person tho, and although we'd both like to, we're both in marriages and feel its just not right. The OM (other man, right? still trying to get the slang down), is really really great. We've shared insight on how the spouse might feel in certain situations to hopefully resolve each others marital issues. We also love the same books, movies, music, etc. The OM seems to keep me going where otherwise I would be lost in loneliness and domesticity. B/c of the kids and my inner loyalty and devotion to the commitment I made to my husband (and what feels like his family), its impossible for me to consider ever leaving my marriage. So, I guess I'm just looking on feedback for my relationship with this OM. I think about him a good bit of the day and do daydream of perhaps meeting some time. I also am very aware of the dangers of meeting people on-line and that I've created a persona out of text which is probably way different from the real thing (also why I've not ventured out to meeting). Is it not a good thing tho to find friendship in a guy such as this outside my marriage? Thanks for reading.

Good luck!
Spirituality and a relationship with God is very personal. I can only offer this insight based on my personal experience, but I hope it helps.
Good luck to you!
GB2
Finally, someone to see the "real" me, you know, the "together me" that I showed him. He had his version of Mr. Wonderful to show me and together we entered into intense Fantasyland. We were together 15 months and it ended abruptly when my sister called my husband at work and told him I was having an affair. I am still very angry about this, in fact to this day we barely speak. Because we have four small children, she felt obligated to do something, but I will NEVER forget my husband's face when he confronted me. It was awful beyond words.
My husband took me back, amazing of all amazings, considering I told him I was "in love" with this creep who had another relationship beside mine. In fact at one point he was seeing three of us married women, one who lost her family because of him. All of us are educated women, uppermiddle class and yet somehow he managed to con us. Some men love to be with married women because they don't have to pay the freight (kids, mortgage, bills ect.) Being with a married woman also gives them time to see other women. I am new to this forum and am heartbroken at how completly gullible we women are in matters of the heart.
My husband and I are in recovery from this horrible emotional rollercoaster I put us on. He found a website that probably saved our marriage that explained the ten needs that all people have. If a wife/GF has conversation for instance as one of her top needs, but her partner has it as one of his bottom needs, there will be problems. Please visit this site, it may save your marriage and family from the heartbreak mine had to go through. I wouldn't wish the hell we went through on anyone! http//www.marriagebuilders.com I wish you the very best, no matter what you decide.
The thing is I never really had sexual chemistry with my husband. We have been married for about 13 years. We get along and companionship is the main thing. But now I can't seem to get this other person out of my mind. I was emailing him alot with school stuff and lately he's not returning my emails. But I make him laugh and he made a comment that my husband must have had a blast going out with me. When I asked him why he said that he said because you are easy and gullible - he was teasing me about homework at the time. I didn't like the comment. I want to stop wanting him. I suffer terribly.
Just needed to tell someone. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.
Hi eowyn and welcome aboard,
I guess your situation is similar in ways to mine... however DH and I once had a very good sexual relationship... couldn't keep our hands off one another most of the time... but somehow... somewhere... this changed for DH.
I found that he was no longer attracted to me as he once was... and I feel this very much happened over the time that we began trying for our first child... I had health problems and required a little help getting pregnant... and as hard as I tried... it felt that we were only have sexing to make a baby.
Finally falling pregnant... and getting our much wanted child... things went down hill quickly... being at home... I found that I craved attention... or conversation and would chat to anyone... just having my baby with me seemed to allow me to open up to people more... where once I would sit back and let people talk to me... no more! I found I was the one making conversations with people in elevators.
Allow DH and I were still physical... there was just something missing... and one day... I said stuff it! hoped online to see where it would go.
Sweet
Co-Community Leader My
Gosh you all do not know how much your words of adivce/past experiences mean to me. Thank you so so much for sharing. You're absolutely right, Saturday, I hadn't realized I was seeking religious validation and which I know I'll never get. This really puts things in perspective about being cautious of where the relationship will lead and to seek forgiveness in things I feel I am not strong enough to prevent. Thank you tons goingbonkers for your shared story - it totally sounds like my current situation, although we've stopped the phone calls and only e-mail, I just feel happier having him at least in my life on that level, and I'm very consciensous of being super careful. Mink, I will check out that website, you hit the nail on the head with being at home and lonely. And Sweet, I can't thank you enough for taking the time to share your story, your absolutely right about needing the enrichment and I'm so relieved to not be alone.
Hugs and best wishes!! I'm so glad to have found this board!