New to Board with questions and thoughts
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New to Board with questions and thoughts
| Tue, 02-03-2004 - 12:27am |
Hello all. I am new to this board. I have been lurking around reading everyone else's thoughts and problems for about a month or so now and I feel at home here. I feel like I have found my own pile of people who might understand where I'm coming from on issues that I can definitely NOT discuss with anyone else.
I have been my current A for 1yr. 6mnths. and 7days. Obviously, I remember our first true A encounter. My A started out as a fling for both he and I. He is married with one small child and I am not. I never intended for the A to begin but it did. I never intended for it to continue but it did. Somewhere during our time together, we have gone from f*** buddies to best friends/lovers. Lately, I have been having a hard time with things. I know that he cares for me and I care deeply for him. I never knew that I could have such a connection with someone and be so physically attracted to them. I never knew that anyone could feel that same strong connection and be so physically attracted to me. I wouldn't say that we're "in love" because to me that's a very bold statement. I do believe I have a love for him but I am unsure about him. He's very committed to trying to make things work at home for his DD's sake. I would never ever want him to leave for me. (NEVER!) I may want to be happy with him but not like that.
Recently, he and I had an in depth conversation about things and about how I was feeling. I wanted to him to know how strong I was feeling toward him so that he didn't want to deal with that we could end things. He says that he doesn't want me to go away because he really likes our talks so much. He also said that he really wanted to try to be "good" for at home's sake. He is feeling just a little bit guilty about it but I wouldn't say it was alot of guilt. (I know him too well) He also told me that he and his W are planning on renewing their vows this year. W thinks it will reinforce their marriage. This bothered me alot and he knew it. He and W have been married for just 9 months longer than he and I have been together. I don't know if I can go on in this A knowing they're trying so diligently to make it work at home. He says that just having me around makes things better and when we're talking alot that at home gets better. I also don't know that I can easily walk away. I enjoy talking with him sooo much. We get each other on so many different levels. The "booty calls" are good too but they're so limited due to time and work anymore that our relationship is built as a great friendship. To lose him, would be like loosing my best friend. The person who I first think of telling when something-anything happens to and around me.
I have asked him what he thinks I should do and he just says he doesn't know. It's my decision according to him. I asked him what he wants from me and all he can say is he doesn't know. He says he's confused about some things but knows that he does want to make a home for his DD. I don't know. It's terribly hard to walk away from something that means so much to me and that for the most part works great. He has even said that if he were single that he and I would be together. I don't know what to do. My heart and mind are torn. Does anyone have any advice? My motto lately has been "Somtimes life sucks and then we just have to keep going". I will leave you with the lyrics to the song that has become MM and I's song, sort of. Not that I believe in signs or anything, but almost every time he and I have a deep discussion about our A, one of us hears this song playing somewhere. He and I have agreed that it's really a weird coincidence.
Patience by Guns N' Roses
Shed a tear cause I'm missing you.........I'm still alright to smile
Girl, I think bout you every day now.....Was a time when I wasn't sure
But you set my mind at ease...........There is no doubt you're in my heart now
Say woman take it slow......It'll work itself out fine
All we need is just a little patience
Say sugar make it slow and we'll come together fine
All we need is just a little patience.....(patience)...mmm, yeah
I sit here on the stairs cause I'd rather be alone
If I can't have you right now I'll wait dear
Sometimes I get so tense but I can't speed up the time
But you know love there' one more thing to consider
Say woman take it slow and things will be just fine
You and I'll just use a litlle patience
Say sugar take the time cause the lights are shining bright
You and I've got what it takes to make it
We won't fake it, oh I'll never break it....If I can't take it
Little patience, mmm yeah, mmm yeah....Need a little patience, yeah
Just a little patience, yeah....Some more patience, yeah
Could use some patience, yeah....Gotta have some patience, yeah
All it takes is patience.....Just a little patience....Is all you need
I've been walking the streets at night...Just trying to get it right
It's hard to see with so many around...You know I don't like being stuck in crwd
And the streets don't change....but maybe the names
I ain't got time for the game cause I need you...yeah, yeah, yeah, I need you
OOO, I need you, whoa I need you.....Oooooh, all this time
I have been my current A for 1yr. 6mnths. and 7days. Obviously, I remember our first true A encounter. My A started out as a fling for both he and I. He is married with one small child and I am not. I never intended for the A to begin but it did. I never intended for it to continue but it did. Somewhere during our time together, we have gone from f*** buddies to best friends/lovers. Lately, I have been having a hard time with things. I know that he cares for me and I care deeply for him. I never knew that I could have such a connection with someone and be so physically attracted to them. I never knew that anyone could feel that same strong connection and be so physically attracted to me. I wouldn't say that we're "in love" because to me that's a very bold statement. I do believe I have a love for him but I am unsure about him. He's very committed to trying to make things work at home for his DD's sake. I would never ever want him to leave for me. (NEVER!) I may want to be happy with him but not like that.
Recently, he and I had an in depth conversation about things and about how I was feeling. I wanted to him to know how strong I was feeling toward him so that he didn't want to deal with that we could end things. He says that he doesn't want me to go away because he really likes our talks so much. He also said that he really wanted to try to be "good" for at home's sake. He is feeling just a little bit guilty about it but I wouldn't say it was alot of guilt. (I know him too well) He also told me that he and his W are planning on renewing their vows this year. W thinks it will reinforce their marriage. This bothered me alot and he knew it. He and W have been married for just 9 months longer than he and I have been together. I don't know if I can go on in this A knowing they're trying so diligently to make it work at home. He says that just having me around makes things better and when we're talking alot that at home gets better. I also don't know that I can easily walk away. I enjoy talking with him sooo much. We get each other on so many different levels. The "booty calls" are good too but they're so limited due to time and work anymore that our relationship is built as a great friendship. To lose him, would be like loosing my best friend. The person who I first think of telling when something-anything happens to and around me.
I have asked him what he thinks I should do and he just says he doesn't know. It's my decision according to him. I asked him what he wants from me and all he can say is he doesn't know. He says he's confused about some things but knows that he does want to make a home for his DD. I don't know. It's terribly hard to walk away from something that means so much to me and that for the most part works great. He has even said that if he were single that he and I would be together. I don't know what to do. My heart and mind are torn. Does anyone have any advice? My motto lately has been "Somtimes life sucks and then we just have to keep going". I will leave you with the lyrics to the song that has become MM and I's song, sort of. Not that I believe in signs or anything, but almost every time he and I have a deep discussion about our A, one of us hears this song playing somewhere. He and I have agreed that it's really a weird coincidence.
Patience by Guns N' Roses
Shed a tear cause I'm missing you.........I'm still alright to smile
Girl, I think bout you every day now.....Was a time when I wasn't sure
But you set my mind at ease...........There is no doubt you're in my heart now
Say woman take it slow......It'll work itself out fine
All we need is just a little patience
Say sugar make it slow and we'll come together fine
All we need is just a little patience.....(patience)...mmm, yeah
I sit here on the stairs cause I'd rather be alone
If I can't have you right now I'll wait dear
Sometimes I get so tense but I can't speed up the time
But you know love there' one more thing to consider
Say woman take it slow and things will be just fine
You and I'll just use a litlle patience
Say sugar take the time cause the lights are shining bright
You and I've got what it takes to make it
We won't fake it, oh I'll never break it....If I can't take it
Little patience, mmm yeah, mmm yeah....Need a little patience, yeah
Just a little patience, yeah....Some more patience, yeah
Could use some patience, yeah....Gotta have some patience, yeah
All it takes is patience.....Just a little patience....Is all you need
I've been walking the streets at night...Just trying to get it right
It's hard to see with so many around...You know I don't like being stuck in crwd
And the streets don't change....but maybe the names
I ain't got time for the game cause I need you...yeah, yeah, yeah, I need you
OOO, I need you, whoa I need you.....Oooooh, all this time
Thank you all for reading and thanks in advance for any advice some of you may give. I appreciate it. I like having a spot where I feel there are others around who might understand and be able to listen.

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He had a few business trips to my town in the past few months , but now I will have to go to his town because he can't just pick up and come to my town for no reason . and I understand and I have no problem going to see him but he does everything last minute .
Like he totally confuses me .
This past meeting he was asking me when my birthday is . I said it is actually coming up soon in a few weeks , Feb 15th So he says - of that is a Sunday . I say - I don't know I didn't really check . He says -oh I know for sure because Monday morning I have a meeting in another city so I will be staying in a hotel that night . So I say - well isn't that a perfect time that we can meet . He says well yes something to think about . I didn't want to ruin the rest of our time together so I said nothing but I thought what is there to think about ? Or you want to meet me or not ?
And if he didn't want to meet me why would he even tell me he is spending a night alone away from his wife .
I don't want to bother him so much and I don't expect to be top priority but I do expect when he is away from his wife that would be the time he can see or talk to me . am I wrong to expect that ??
I took your advice and emailed him if he plans to meet me on the 15th or not , rather then waiting for him to decide last minute yes or no making me feel upset while he thinks about it .
Your right if he can't meet my needs ( which I think are not that demanding ) then maybe it will be time to say "asta la vista baby" .
Well if he keeps it up like this I will get to the point that I get so mad I will end it .
As they say that looks go only so far ...........well also great sex can only go so far ;-)
But damm him for having such great chemistry with me !! God I wish I could explain why this is . Why with great single guys I know I feel nothing .?
But I guess that is a whole other discussion board .
Thanks again for your great advice .
xoxo ViperDiva
you're welcome honey, advice free of charge anytime!
i'm glad you just came out and asked him.
CL-Gurlfriend50
Co-CL of My Affair Support Board
His wife never joins him to any business trips .
In fact it seems she doesn't even mind that he goes away ..........Hmmmm maybe she is having an affair LOL LOL
As you said I did tell my MM that he doesn't have to say yes , I just want to know .
So he called me . Strange he will always call me when I ask him too , but he can't think to call on his own .
Anyways he said he isn't sure yet about the 15th because he may have to meet with people from work that night and then he has a very early meeting in the morning ( the reason he is even staying out of town in the first place ) so we may not have time to meet ..........well I guess he needs his beauty sleep ;-)
But he will let me know in a few days if the answer is yes or no .
I wanted to discuss a few other things but he apologized that he really had to cut our conversation short . I think he was talking to me while sitting in the driveway of his home ( he does that all the time ) and maybe his W came out .
So I decided to email him what I expect from this A .I told him I do not wish to feel like a booty call or a hooker on demand . and if he can't give me a bit more then that maybe best we end this .All I ask for is to meet once a month ( but up to him if we can meet more ) and a few phone calls a week . I don't think I am asking for much
I told him if we can't be on the same page about how this A goes on , we can't have this A at all . because someone will get hurt and that will be me .
I am not willing to feel hurt no matter how good it feels to be with him . So now I am waiting for his answer .
Again I want to thank you for your support that has given me the strength to tell him what I expect from the R . Because I have never been in this type of situation I wasn't sure how this should work . But your advice help me understand . I have some say too .....and if he doesn't like it well he can go back to his wife or find another A ;-)
But I know we have a great chemistry and I don't think he wants to give up on that ;-) well we shall see .
Thanks again for all your time and help ! xoxo ViperDive
Edited 2/5/2004 3:20:14 AM ET by viperdiva
xoxo ViperDiva
good morning viper and you are certainly welcome to any advice i might have!
good for you that you took back some control of your life and honestly stated what you need from MM.
CL-Gurlfriend50
Co-CL of My Affair Support Board
hey saturday, that "stability" depends on the man!
CL-Gurlfriend50
Co-CL of My Affair Support Board
I support myself , work 2 jobs and very long hours . I need a bit of planning ahead and he should understand that . Just as I would understand if we did plan something but last minute he had to cancel because W decided to join him .
xoxo ViperDiva
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