new to group! I need help!
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new to group! I need help!
| Tue, 10-21-2003 - 11:56am |
I am a married mother of two small children. I have been married for 5 years, most of it unhappily. But this i didn't realize until i met MM! i worked with this man for three years, and over the course of those years, we came to notice that we had a lot in common. we came from similar backgrounds and had similar relationships with our spouses. We became very close friends, hanging out, with no other intentions. Things were getting bad in both of our homes, and we shared that info with eachother, and began talking outside of work, emailing and calling. One night we were left at work alone late, and began joking around, one thing led to another, and there we were. We began a relationship, and i had lost my mom around the same time, which brought us closer. He continued to see eachother, not thinking about the future, just enjoying eachother. We both had issues in our marriages, and there were alot of things lacking in our relationships at home, that we got from eachother. I felt things with this man i have never felt in my life, and the love and support i get from him has helped me in the dark times in my life. We decided that in order to know if we should be together, we need to go back to our respective homes and make sure we do everything we can to make sure that we did everything to make it work before we walk away. I know that i do not love my H anymore, and haven't for a long time. i tried to talk to him about it, and nothing. he didn't care. MM's W is a bipolar alcoholic, and he feels it is his duty to save her. while I know he loves me, i wonder if his codependancys are getting in the way of his true happiness. He says he isn't happy, and i brought more happiness to him than he has ever known, but why stay? i want to leave. but i am scared at times of my H. MM feels that he needs to try and make things work. I feel like i am in a LIfetime movie girls! I know it sounds like the typical man, have his cake and eat it too, but this man is just not the typical guy. i feel like he is afraid his W will kill herself if he leaves, and she may. but there comes a point where you have to do what makes happy, not what makes others happy. so i am fine with him finding out if his marriage will work. he is the type of man who cannot walk away from soemthign without knowing he did all he could to fix it or make it work. but i am having a hard time knowing he still loves me, and still thinks about me everyday and wishes we were together. i see him at the gym ,and i can see him scan the place for me, we talk everyweek or email , and we still have dinner every few weeks. i am confused. i love this man with all of my heart, and i know he loves me, which makes me sound naive, but i have to figure out what to do! Please help!

In the first part of your post you stated, "We decided that in order to know if we should be together, we need to go back to our respective homes and make sure we do everything we can to make sure that we did everything to make it work before we walk away." But a few lines later you say, "i want to leave." There lies your problem in a nutshell. It sounds like MM wants to try to work on his marriage and you are pretty much finished with yours -- you have agreed to something with MM that in truth you are not willing to do.
Figure out what YOU want -- regardless of MM. If you want to leave your husband, you should do it whether or not you have MM waiting in the wings. Try to be strong, really think about it, and do what's best for you, and only YOU!!
Good Luck
Charlotte