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| Mon, 02-16-2009 - 5:41pm |
Hi All, I am new here and was relieved to find this board! I have been seeing a mm for almost 8 months, when we started I was also married. My divorce is final this week actually! He is 8 years older than me and lives out of state and we work together and see each other once a month for a week at a time. When this started, I knew that I couldn't continue with my marriage since I knew it was over for a while. Here is my story: I have known him for 2 years and always been attracted to him and this last June is when it started at a meeting we had. It started pretty fun and intense and things started to escalate. I found out his W had an affair for 5 yrs and one of his kids isnt really his, he found out almost a year ago for the second time, she continued the A even after he knew. Anyway, as things progressed and we started to spend more and more time together we found out that we have almost everything in common down to the way we grew up... we will even say the exact same thing to each other at the exact same time, we wake up when we are not together at the same time around 5 am.... My ex hubby has the same name as my cousin that I was really close to and the funny thing is my other cousin (his brother) has the same name as the man I am now seeing. We both are even left handed, o neg blood and only children. We have even coordinated our outfits one week when we were traveling on accident. He will tease me and say we are twins... I actually went to a psychic and he knew so much about me and knew about my A w/MM, and told me the universe wanted us to be together and that we would get married. We have the most amazing connection that I have ever had with anyone and he is struggling right now because he knows I am getting antsy. He even started going to see a counselor to make sure he makes the right decision. Now he has never told me he is leaving but he does ask me if I would make a good step mom and teases about going to Vegas and getting married. I do not have children and he has three, and I know how hard it was for me to leave and I cant imagine how hard it is for him. I recently bought a house and he came up here and helped me around here and is coming next week. He has met my friends and I have met a few of his so that at least tells me something right? I guess I am unsure what to do and how long to wait. I have been going to counseling also for a while due to my divorce and she tells me when I am ready to be done I will but she is so thrilled for me that I actually know what its supposed to be like. We both have talked about it one drunken night...I started to cry when I told him I have no regrets because this is best relationship I have ever had and met someone that gets me... and the macho man he is he started to tear up too. He was going to just tell her about the affair a few weeks ago cuz he is sick of secrets and let the chips fall where they may as he put it, but I dont wanna get him by default. So he decided to go talk to someone. Anyone that can give me insight would be great!

I wouldn't count my chickens before they hatch. No matter how the universe aligns when the two of you are together still doesn't changed the fact that his is M with kids. We've heard so many stories around here of when push came to shove, the Spouse and/or kids prevailed and the OW is out in the cold or kept in the back burner.
I would suggest, enjoy the moment when you're both together but keep your expectations low. This after all is just an A until he gets a D. Getting antsy may not be to your benefit. He has to do what is right for him in his own timeline. Unless of course if he's a cake-eater or fence-sitter, then you could be in for a long roller-coaster ride..
"People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within."
- Ramona L. Anderson