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| Fri, 02-13-2009 - 9:48am |
Okay, I want to post this real fast before I head off to work. I have not lurked here ever, but I thought coming here might help since other ivillage boards have been supportive of other things going through in life.
My situation is that I have been married almost three years, I started having yearnings to be with my first love like 3 months after getting married, but the feelings waned off once my ex had a baby with another girl. But about a year later, my son gets a new barber and I was so totally attracted to him and I knew it, but I didn't want any funny business happening so I tried my best to hook him up with my sister, since she is single. Well now here I am working with this guy, and at first I didn't see him that much so I could say, "oh he's attractive" and go about my business. But lately he has been getting closer and closer to me in the situations that come about at the job. Last month was the first time he really tried to start up a conversation with me, and I could tell something was wrong with me, because I got super irritated. After mulling over my irritation I realized that I am sexually attracted to him and I was trying to treat him like dirt so that I wouldn't become interested. Its not my personality at all, but I was so afraid that I might have sex with him. Not even knowing him. Its crazy, but it has happened before in the past about 8 years ago, I was working with someone and then we had sex with each other, and he was living with his girlfriend and I was living with my boyfriend (not the same guy as my husband), but I cheated and it was the best sex I ever had. I think because it was so forbidden. The both of us started tripping, the dude came by my house one day, but my boyfriend was upstairs, so he ddin't know...but it got out of hand and I had to stop it. Well that's what I am afraid will happend this time again, but this time its worse because I am married, although he is single...it still frightens me.
We work in Education and we took the students on a field trip yesterday, and I think that the guy can sense the sexual energy I have for him, because he was asking me questions that aren't the type of questions you ask somebody when you first meet them...and I can kind of tell that was what he was trying to figure out..."how long you been married? what does your husband do? how long were you two together before you got married?....then I asked him about his son. I told him I had a son that was around the same age as his, then he asked if I planned on having more....wtf???
Its driving me crazy and now I have to go back to work today and will be seeing him around 11:30 today. I feel like I need a new job. It was kind of cool at first because the teacher was switching me around to other classrooms so I wouldn't get to see him as much, but now I am stuck in that class where I will see him. I am so nervous about this mess.

Everyone has urges....it is what you do about them that matter. If you are really concerned that you could cheat...I think it is definitely about more than just sexual attraction lacking in the relationship.
I should know...I am married (currently SORT of separated) and I have had an affair. I have actually had 2 over my 8 year marriage. The first one started right after the wedding with someone I had known since we were kids and I thought it was only about the physical attraction. I think my husband is one of the most atttractive men I know, but our chemistry is not there so I thought that was what it was about. I was wrong. Chemistry...especially sexual chemistry is about so much more than just physical attraction....
I think you are missing something that you crave in your current relationship and it isnt just because your husband doesnt cut his hair. Maybe that started your lack of intrest, but now it is more than that. Try re-connecting with him...showing him love and attention - you may