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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2008
New Here
19
Fri, 11-14-2008 - 8:33pm

Okay please someone tell me if I am totally going to ruin everything.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2008
In reply to: jenimall
Fri, 11-14-2008 - 8:57pm

Just know what you're getting into... just once? - it never works that way.

You can only decide for yourself if you want to enter into the life that an A comes with. Really high highs and really low lows. Do not enter it lightly. GOOD LUCK

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
In reply to: jenimall
Fri, 11-14-2008 - 9:14pm

Yep. Sex is that great with someone else.


Yep. You are going to ruin everything.


Just saying from being on this board a long time.


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2008
In reply to: jenimall
Sat, 11-15-2008 - 12:09am
No I have no idea what Im getting into - My head says no but my body and feelings say yes.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2008
In reply to: jenimall
Sat, 11-15-2008 - 12:10am
Did it ruin your life?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2008
In reply to: jenimall
Sat, 11-15-2008 - 1:05am

Run, run fast, don't walk!

You will not be able to do it 'once'. A's are addicting.

Please read some of the threads on here to see what might happen. A's are a mess of emotional pain, especially for women. Some are able to have strictly PA's and it works for them, but they are not common. Women cannot compartmentalise like men and it takes very little for us to form an emotional attachment. Then comes the rollercoaster.

Before you jump in, consider thinking about why you're wanting this guy. If your marriage is completely broken, take steps to get out. If you don't want to get out, take steps to fix it. An A is not a way to spice up your life and have a bit of fun. An A is a complicated web of lies and deceit, heartache and pure pleasure. The lows are awful and the insecurity gets bad. If you are happy with yourself now, that may well disappear in an A. It is easy to get lost in the fog.

A few more things for you to consider. Look forward at what could happen if you get into an A with this man, in a few months, a year, further ahead even. What happens if you can't stay PA and you fall for him? Or he falls for you? Or he just stops seeing you? Or the dreaded d-day happens for one or both of you? Can you handle your H finding out? He drinks, is he likely to be violent?

Most of us here who have been in an A for any length of time (over a few months) will not encourage you to have one. We know the pain. But should you choose not to take our warnings and find yourself in the same situation, we are here to support you.

Pisces


image


pisces
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2008
In reply to: jenimall
Sat, 11-15-2008 - 11:26am

Please read these posts before considering such a step.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2008
In reply to: jenimall
Sat, 11-15-2008 - 12:33pm
I answered you under my "Pissed" thread..but will repeat myself. Don't go there. Read EAS, what a terrible pain is to end an A. It will tell you all.
(((Hugs)))
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2008
In reply to: jenimall
Sat, 11-15-2008 - 1:51pm
Thank you for your advice.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
In reply to: jenimall
Sat, 11-15-2008 - 1:57pm

No, it didn't ruin my life, but it did change everything. I thought I could handle it. But my XAP and I fell in love with each other. It was unbearable to be away from him. It changed my marriage to the point where I could not be married anymore. I am divorced now and no longer with XAP. He never did gain the strength to leave his marriage, even for me, whom he loved.


I regret breaking my XH's heart. I will always wonder what role having the affair played in our divorce. Although he never knew about it, if I had put the energy I put into the affair into the marriage, maybe things would have ended differently.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2008
In reply to: jenimall
Sat, 11-15-2008 - 2:08pm

Hi Jenimall,


I would like to tell you my story so that maybe I can save you some heartache.

 

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