New Here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2008
New Here.
9
Tue, 09-30-2008 - 9:16pm

Hi I am new here. Well I have been lurking and reading for several weeks now. I cannot actually belive I have found a website that I can discuss my A with.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2008
In reply to: boodlemorrow
Wed, 10-01-2008 - 1:23am

Boodle, hello and welcome to the board. We are very supportive here, which doesn't mean that you won't get told off sometimes, but it is meant with good intent.

You asked a lot of questions in your post. You are confused. Slow down, take a deep breath and relax. You're having an A. The rules of normal relationships do not apply. A's are a rollercoaster of emotions and are complicated. One minute you're high on the thrill and the excitement and the passion, the next you're crashing down lower than you could have ever imagined.

Of course you are making excuses to have an A. We've all done that, or we wouldn't be here. I was M, no kids when I started my A, now separated. AP is M with kids. My H was a good H for many years, then abruptly that changed. He went from that to no affection, no intimacy, no interest in a very short amount of time. That was several years ago. After a couple of years of begging for s*x and being refused most of the time, I started looking for attention and affection. My AP provides that for me. I do not and have not felt guilty. I fell in love with my AP and my love for H died. I'm not sure that it happened quite that way, as I discovered some horrible things about H and I asked him to leave. I don't think I could continue to love H and AP at the same time. Some can, but I'm not one of them. I've been with AP since the beginning of the year.

I can't tell you if you love your AP or if it's the thrill, newness and excitement of the A, that is for you to work out for yourself.

I don't know if what I've written is any help to you. Keep posting. I'm sure others will chime in with other opinions.

Pisces

pisces
pisces
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2008
In reply to: boodlemorrow
Wed, 10-01-2008 - 4:40pm

Thank you so much for the welcome and the words or encouragement and advice. I do feel that my love for my husband is fading. HE let me down. He turned his back on me and left me feeling like he could only love me conditionally. If you are the way I want you to be I will love. I remember he telling me I can't tell you right now if I love as if I was hanging in his own little emotional dangling carrot (if that makes sense) so then I was like to hell with this and I totally cut myself off from him the bigger the wall the words don't get though and hurt as much and you know what I like me and to hell with you. Then the affair started yes with someone I had innocently been flirting with but kind of knew he would if I would. and now for the past seven month I have this incredibly man who tells me I am gorgeous, sexy and everything a girl wants to hear. Not to mention he is incredibly sexy too (which helps) so now my husband can feel that I have pulled away and now wants to be my husband again (I guess because I wasn't hurting and waiting for him anymore) and NW he is honestly trying but I just can't seem to get there? If I could would I leave him yes. To be with AP not necessarily but I am too afraid of all the other people it would affect and hurt. The strange and stupid part is that I feel more guilty for his wife than my own husband. but enough to stop? guess not. I was with AP last night and its incredible I can't see myself wanting to end it and he says the same

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2007
In reply to: boodlemorrow
Wed, 10-01-2008 - 6:02pm

Boodle:


Wow, I could have wrote both of your posts.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2008
In reply to: boodlemorrow
Wed, 10-01-2008 - 6:38pm

DJ


I know exactly where you are at. I have thought about being along with just me and my 2 kids. I could do it. It's like man I am only 33 why should I settle and live this way? but on the other hand there are so many other people to consider So I just go through the motions.it's actually becoming odd because my H is wondering why I keep turning him down for s*x and it's like oh really where were you 7 months ago when I was begging for attention. and now it's like really do I have to but I also can't keep up the excuse so I did like a week ago and it was so weird because I have been with AP so often that it was just weird and different.It's not like AP and I have discussed we can't but I just don't have that desire.


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2008
In reply to: boodlemorrow
Wed, 10-01-2008 - 10:12pm

Boodle:


Man, we are a lot alike.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2008
In reply to: boodlemorrow
Thu, 10-02-2008 - 12:17am

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2007
In reply to: boodlemorrow
Thu, 10-02-2008 - 11:35am

J30:


I just wanted to say hi, and that I liked your response to Boodle.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2008
In reply to: boodlemorrow
Thu, 10-02-2008 - 7:58pm

Thanks so much for your response.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2007
In reply to: boodlemorrow
Fri, 10-03-2008 - 7:40am
ditto, i can repeat everything you just said.