new here

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2008
new here
4
Wed, 09-10-2008 - 2:06pm

Hey Everyone


I'm sort of new here - been on ivillage off and on for a number of years.


Short story:


My father died a year ago bringing and old friend of my brothers into my life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2008
In reply to: elizajane2008
Wed, 09-10-2008 - 2:13pm
Im sorry for your losses.

 

 

 

 

 

******************************************* “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2007
In reply to: elizajane2008
Wed, 09-10-2008 - 3:17pm

I was thinking the same thing as wellhonestlynow. Sometimes in grief we can act actually crazy - make decisions we wouldn't ordinarily make at all. We get into a "life is short - make the most of it" kind of mood too - we see how life can end so quickly and without warning. Losing a sibling is a big deal. You might need some professional help to cope. Think about it.

Also, now that it's more removed from you, think very carefully about a decision to spend next weekend with this friend. It sounds like the two of you were really good friends, and you stand to lose all that. Sex definitely messes up friendships, unless they eventually turn into a real R. Think through all the possible endings here. Either you two will hurt a lot of people and end up with each other, or you'll break up your R eventually with one or both of you with a broken heart. None of those endings are good, or will allow you two to have the friendship you once had!

I give great advice here that I probably wouldn't take myself, but if you can do it, end that part of your relationship now. Chalk it up to grief and remain the good friends that can lean on each other that you are now. With all you've been through, trust me, you don't need the angst and the roller coaster of emotions that an A has. You need your friends. You need your family. Don't use the A to distract yourself from the pain and grief you have to go through. You won't be doing away with the grief - you'll be burying it inside of you where it can come out later as anger, depression, a whole host of things you won't understand. Grieve for your brother, be sad with your family, and count on this friend to help you in that way.

Some would say that I fell from grace... but I didn't.

Proud to be a



You've got a lot of choices. I
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2006
In reply to: elizajane2008
Sat, 09-13-2008 - 12:11am
Have you seen "The Wedding crashers?" Your post reminds me of the part where the 2 friends learn how to pick up women at funerals.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2008
In reply to: elizajane2008
Sat, 09-13-2008 - 2:43am

I'm so sorry for your losses of both your father and brother.

I think you've had good advice here. This sounds like a fling brought on out of your confusion, grief and pain in an effort to numb the hurt you're feeling. There is nothing but time will heal that. An A with a family friend is not a good idea. So many people stand to get hurt by it. Assume that it's not if but when you are discovered.

Should you choose not to take the advice we give you, then we are here to support you, but most here will not advise you to take this any further as we are all too well aware the pain and confusion an A brings, and you already have enough of that in your life right now.

Pisces




Edited 11/23/2008 8:18 pm ET by pisces2008
pisces