New Here

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2004
New Here
7
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 1:21pm
I actually posted awhile ago and of course there are people out there who think we are evil women, but I think they are very insecure if they have to pick on us. Plus between a a family and a job who has time to check out what the "cheaters are doing"

Anyway I am back because I need to express myself somewhere.

I have been in affair with my best friend for 2 years. He married so and I. We actually went to a healthy relationship (meaning NO SEX) 3 months ago. My sitution is much different then his. I helped him GROW as he said.. For me his saved me from believing I was a worthless women. Yes I am in a verbally relationship for over 20 yrs. Though Ithought that was normal. I have been hit a few times.Now why do I stay, well with children who love there "Family" and no source of liviable income, what do you think?

I have had him arrested, and we are in repair mode. THOUGH, as I heal I realize we probaly won't make it no matter how much we want to try.

The problem is I miss what I felt with Other Guy. He is on friendship mode and I know it best but with all I going through I need to ESCAPE. ANyone else feel that?

I know eventually this post will end up being a butt of someones meanness, but that is also what is keeping us at war. No one can just accept that everyone is different and what

one does doesn't necessarly mean we are BAD,

if no one responds I just feel better writing. And for those of you who think you are being judge....Affairs have gone on for centuries and if you are lucky ewnough to be loved in your lifetime cherish it and don't feel bad.

Dreamer
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2004
In reply to: dreamer721
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 1:27pm

Welcome, dreamer.

cl-noregretsyet (co-cl of MAS board)
&#16
Avatar for nomoreregrets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: dreamer721
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 1:31pm
Hi Dream and welcomed! Trust me most of us around here are good and understanding people! Just laugh and ignore those that are not. I have been in 2 abusive relationship ( one physical and one verbal) and I have never seen one change yet. I have no idea how old you are or how old your kids are but to me the one thing that matters the most is your happiness along with the happiness of your children and their saftey. Good luck and you'll make the right decision when the time is right for you! It's not esy and it's a tough road but it smooths out in time. Oh and not to make light of your statment but my MM says "I make him grow too" Soory, just wanted to make you laugh:):) NMR
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2004
In reply to: dreamer721
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 1:37pm
Welcome dreamer. I feel bad that you have to defend yourself as you type your first post. I'm sure it was a little intimidating writing here for the first time based on the negativity you've seen recently. Rest assured most of us here will be supportive.

Your situation is a very difficult one. I think it is good you have gotten a little space from your OM, although I know how painful it is. You really need to decide whether or not you want to stay in your M independent of your feelings for your OM. I recommend counseling with your H. It is sometimes difficult to sort out your feelings and having a counselor can really help you redirect things and understand your problems better. I also highly recommend the book "Too Good To Leave, Too Bad To Stay". It helped me tremendously.

No matter what decision you make, try to make it without considering any kind of future with your OM. He is also married so hopefully you can do that. I wish you all the luck in the world regardless. And I love the way you ended your post so I'm going to give you the same advice: "If you are lucky ewnough to be loved in your lifetime cherish it and don't feel bad." :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2004
In reply to: dreamer721
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 1:43pm
"And for those of you who think you are being judge....Affairs have gone on for centuries and if you are lucky ewnough to be loved in your lifetime cherish it and don't feel bad."

Thank you Dreamer - I needed to hear that today :-) Just got out of a counseling session and was a little down :-) FMH6

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2004
In reply to: dreamer721
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 1:46pm

I agree.

cl-noregretsyet (co-cl of MAS board)
&#16
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2004
In reply to: dreamer721
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 1:47pm
hi dreamer and welcome to the board honey. please listen to whatever responses you get to your post because i know the wonderful boardies we do have here will reach out and help you.

if you are being abused, you must consider leaving your H/M and going to a shelter for help. or to a friend, or family member. somewhere you and the kids can be safe. your H will have to pay child support and alimony (every state require it) and you would probably be able to move back into the family home after a court appearance to work out the details, especially since there are police reports and i'm sure hospital reports. shelters are equipped to offer family services and pro bono (free) legal advice, plus help finding an apartment, a job, daycare. look in your local phone book and call the shelters listed and get information. nothing is hopeless, dreamer.

i urge you to consider working out your personal life first before you pine for your lost R with MM. he cannot help you with this. it must come from within you to seek help for your situation. most men want to take care of the problems/situations that crop up, but he is powerless in this situation. unfortunately. you have to do it for yourself and for your children.

every abusive situation has the potential to become a fatal incident. please consider reaching out to someone to assist you in getting out of this situation. good luck and keep focused on making your own life better. then you can offer love to someone else in the future.

life

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2004
In reply to: dreamer721
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 1:57pm
I apologize. I focused on the other details of the M and must have missed the fact that you were being abused. In that case, absolutely seek some help immediately. If you think he would listen at all, tell him that he must get counseling now. You have children and you can't let them be raised in an abusive household. Be safe.