New here to all of this...confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2010
New here to all of this...confused
1
Sun, 01-10-2010 - 12:12am

I never thought I would be writing a post on here. I will try to be brief. I have been married for 13 years; together for 15…three wonderful children. I love my husband very much and in truth we are closer now than we have ever been, in every way. The last year was very hard. Our son, 9 yo, was diagnosed with high-functioning autism. We have been fighting with the school district for almost one year just to get him evaluated through them; resulting in mediation and them being forced to do so. I had both ovaries removed due to painful, large cysts, resulting in tremendous hormonal changes. Our son had appendicitis in November, and since then has been horribly, horribly anxious; even more than usual. He has now been diagnosed with PTSD and will be starting medication to help with this. He cannot be alone at all for one minute, and hasn’t slept alone or without nightmares since the surgery. So..a pretty stressful few months…actually the entire year.


More about DH and I. For about the past five years we have been swinging. We started out just in it for the two of us…meaning we only played with each other. Over the past couple of years we have expanded and my husband likes me to have sex with other men. He is always present though. There is a house that holds parties in our town and that is the only place we ever go to. That being said, we are very selective, and there have only been 3 men. Our sex life is great, and varied, and we talk about and act out many fantasies.
Last year in October I had to go away on a business trip and my husband told me I could pick someone up and have a one night stand. I went away with the intention to do this but due to various circumstances, it didn’t happen.
On the plane ride on the way there a guy hit on me…we went to breakfast, back to the hotel room and fooled around for a while. I had to go to a meeting though so we couldn’t do much. He was going to wait around for me but chickened out. I hadn’t told him the whole story at this point.
So, he called me and I told him the deal…he then expressed interest in getting together. He travels a lot for his job, he lives on the other side of the country from me. He is single.
Since then we have texted, emailed and talked. It is growing ever more intense…we talk at least once a day, about everything as well as sexual talk. Initially I told my husband that I had met him and that he wanted to get together with me the next time he’s in our area to fulfill the fantasy. My husband is on board with this. That is all he knows.


I am going on another trip in a couple of weeks and SG is going to meet me there for a 4 day weekend. He is flying across the country, taking vacation time from work, to meet me.
I am so confused as I don’t know what this is. When all of this started; the texting etc. it was just sexual…talking about various fantasies and what we would do if we were together. It has gradually progressed to more…talking about anything and staying in touch daily. Today when I talked to him he called me sweetheart. We have never talked about what this is though. One time, early on when we were chatting online one night I asked him what this was and he said an elaborate fantasy. This was when it was all just sexual.


Any thoughts on what this is? I know that it is going to become more than an emotional affair when I meet him halfway across the country. Does a guy spend a fortune on plane tickets and go across country for just sex? As to why I am continuing this…I’m not really sure. The excitement of it is a huge part of it I suppose. I have no intentions of ever leaving my husband, or him finding out about this. That being said, of course I fantasize about what life would be like with this guy, but I know it’s not reality.

Thoughts and advice welcome…please no bashing…I feel guilty!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2009
Sun, 01-10-2010 - 3:15pm
sounds like your swinging life style and open marriage is getting out of hand. But, I would still tell you to go on this trip, enjoy your weekend with the guy. He's flying across the country and taking time off work to explore sex with an interesting woman. Enjoy the weekend, but be very clear with this man that you are in fact married, with no intention of leaving your dh or of keeping this from him. I'm betting that your dh does the same with other women. I can't imagine having sex with another man while my h watched, that would just be so odd for me. But I can't imagine swinging, either. Still, this is the lifestyle that the 2 of you