new here and confused!!
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| Wed, 08-20-2008 - 9:44am |
hi there, ive been reading the posts here for a while and i found this is the only place i may beable to get a real opinion without being judged which is definately need at the moment. i'm 34 and the man is question is 46. we work together and he is married only for a few months and im single. we hit it off straight away and we got along so well for so long then one day or in the end is ended up being a couple of days we slept together. i asked him what was going on between us and what he wanted. he told me that he doesnt want an other woman because it's too soon after he is married but he still wants us to be as close and he'd call me his "very very very special friend". im new to this affair thing but i think he talking rubbish about me being some special friend and is just deluding himself that im not his other woman. i think we hit it off really well, we met 3 yrs ago and ever since then we just kind of were hanging onto each other for some reason or other.
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I think he's in denial. Of course it's an A and you're the other woman!
Ask yourself this. If you two have known each other for three years and always hung onto each other, why did he just marry someone else? Be truthful to yourself. He married someone else because he likes her better! You're single, he could have gone out with you, become involved with you, any time before he got married.
When he says he doesn't want "another woman" he means he doesn't want someone else that he actually would care about because he already has that - his wife.
When he says he wants a special special friend, he means someone he can have sex with because he likes sexual variety, but with no emotions, because, again, he has that with his wife.
He's kind of asking you to have a no strings, sexual affair, without calling it an affair because that would give it too much meaning.
Think long and hard about what it is you want here, and what it is he's asking you for.
Some would say that I fell from grace... but I didn't.
You've got a lot of choices. I
I agree- it sounds like he is interested in having a physical A only. It sounds like he doesn't want any emotions or feelings in this A.
I do think that he is in denial about the A. My AP and I did not mean to start an A. We just sort of fell into it. That doesn't mean it's not a A. He's still married and I'm still in love with him (and sleeping with him). And it's a secret. It's an A. It doesn't matter if it started during the beginning stages of his marriage or after their 50th anniversary.
Good luck with AP!
Sneaking Fruit