New here and need advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2010
New here and need advice
8
Mon, 03-08-2010 - 5:07pm
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Edited 3/30/2010 12:58 pm ET by suerank
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Mon, 03-08-2010 - 5:27pm

I can see how you would feel in this situation, but what do you hope to gain from telling xAP's wife? Is it possible that may lead to more pain for yourself? Also, do you really wish to potentially expose yourself and any indiscretions you have been involved in for all to see? Again, I understand how you would feel and yes, it may be tempting to seek some revenge, but just be certain that you are willing to accept the fall out

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2007
Tue, 03-09-2010 - 2:10am

I know you are hurting but I agree with Happy. There is no need to tell is wife about the affair. You said that you are involved in the same business circle. At the end of the day, it can be more detrimental to BOTH your careers and I doubt that is something you want to risk at this point. If you disclose his situation, what will it do for YOU? If he is having multiple affairs, he will just go out and find another one.

I know you're hurting and I feel your pain. Cry. Vent. Come to this board. Journal. Do what you need to, but get your bearings together and weigh the pros and cons of how this will affect/benefit you.

I've been lied to twice by the same man and I still love him with all my heart. He lied about being M the first time around and have yet to still acknowledge his M.

Please....please... spare your dignity. The truth will reveal itself without you having to do anything. I promise. I have my own reasons why I am saying this, but if this is repeated behavior....it will happen. For now, be good to yourself and we're all here for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2009
Tue, 03-09-2010 - 6:00pm
I think you should chalk it up as experience and try not to let yourself fall into that type of situation again-especially with him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2009
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 10:03pm

You have every right to feel the way you do.. unfortunately, what happened to you happens too frequently.. you are not alone in being in this type of a situation.. at all.. as the other posters said, it is best to chalk it up to experience and move on..

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2010
Thu, 03-11-2010 - 10:11am
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Edited 3/30/2010 12:58 pm ET by suerank
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Thu, 03-11-2010 - 6:10pm

Hi Sue,


Deciding not to tell exAP's wife is a good idea. I understand how emotional you feel right now, but believe me, it will pass. I did not and do not work with exAP, so I suppose this made things a tad easier and I have no advice to offer there. I am sure you meant well when confronting the newbie lady

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2000
Thu, 03-11-2010 - 6:46pm

He's a serial cheater. Plain and simple. You can't change him or that fact, though deep inside you may wish you could.

Why contact his wife? For revenge? You didn't want to contact his wife when you thought it was just you, why would you contact her when you find out there's others? That action would maybe feel good in the short term, but in the long term, you would regret it. Let his wife face her own battles. And remember.....he has no obligation to be "faithful" to you. You're an affair, Miss X is an affair, and Miss Y is an affair.

The best thing you can do is run like your hair's on fire. If you hang on with all your might, it will be a disaster. Extricate yourself from the whole mess while you still have a little dignity left. You'll be so glad you did in the long run.

Peace to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2010
Fri, 03-12-2010 - 4:34pm
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Edited 3/30/2010 12:59 pm ET by suerank