New Here and Need advise
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New Here and Need advise
| Thu, 10-09-2003 - 11:23am |
I am new here. I need advise on what to do. I have been with my H
since I was 15. We got married when I was 16. I am now 23. (6 1/2
years marrried, 7 1/2 together) In Decemeber of 02 I began an A with
one of my long time friends, who my H has also become good friends
with over the years. I am friends with OM's girlfriend, who he has
been with for 6 years. We all do things together as couples. When
OM and I began A we said that it would be strictly physical. It was,
for the first few months, but I found it easier and easier to talk to
him and found myself thinking about him all of the time. I thought
that I would just keep my feelings to myself and not say anything B/C
we had agreed to keep things physical. So I didn't say anything and a
few months went by and we didn't even see each other for 6 weeks. But
3 weeks ago he called me at work and said that he had to see me. I was
thinking the worst, that he told his GF or somehow she found out. But
when I met him later that day, he put his arms around me and told me
that "I cannot help but love you. And I had to see you and tell you"
I had to tell him that I have felt the same way for a long time. I am so
confused right now B/C I love my H and I know he loves me, but I "feel"
loved by the OM. I have 2 kids with my H, and OM has 3 with GF. We both
came from broken homes growing up and have sworn not to do that to our
children. I am so confused as what to do. I want to be with OM but I
don't want to leave H. Please respond and help me out.
since I was 15. We got married when I was 16. I am now 23. (6 1/2
years marrried, 7 1/2 together) In Decemeber of 02 I began an A with
one of my long time friends, who my H has also become good friends
with over the years. I am friends with OM's girlfriend, who he has
been with for 6 years. We all do things together as couples. When
OM and I began A we said that it would be strictly physical. It was,
for the first few months, but I found it easier and easier to talk to
him and found myself thinking about him all of the time. I thought
that I would just keep my feelings to myself and not say anything B/C
we had agreed to keep things physical. So I didn't say anything and a
few months went by and we didn't even see each other for 6 weeks. But
3 weeks ago he called me at work and said that he had to see me. I was
thinking the worst, that he told his GF or somehow she found out. But
when I met him later that day, he put his arms around me and told me
that "I cannot help but love you. And I had to see you and tell you"
I had to tell him that I have felt the same way for a long time. I am so
confused right now B/C I love my H and I know he loves me, but I "feel"
loved by the OM. I have 2 kids with my H, and OM has 3 with GF. We both
came from broken homes growing up and have sworn not to do that to our
children. I am so confused as what to do. I want to be with OM but I
don't want to leave H. Please respond and help me out.

Please take your time, don't make any rash decisions.
Right now you are feeling loved and appreciated by the OM, and thats wonderful. But its been said many times on this board and it will be said again, the grass isn't always greener on the other side.
You enjoy the times you share, and you have grown to love him in the situation that you are IN right NOW. But who is to say that if that situation changes, meaning that you are together in every sense of the word, that you will continue to love him and feel loved and appreciated.
You said that you both agreed not to leave the relationships you are in, and yet you want to be with him. Its hard and its going to get harder, but you have to take your time, not rush into things, and truly think about all the advice and opinions that you will recieve on this board, but most importantly about what is right for you.
I wish you the best and hope that you keep us informed with how you are doing.
Sweettendencies
Liberal
I must agree w/Sweet. Don't make any rash decisions. It is NEVER good to leave one man for another man. If you ever feel you must leave your H, do it for YOURSELF and nobody else. Take your time and be very careful.
Good Luck Lucy.
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