New here and really needing help!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2008
New here and really needing help!!
6
Fri, 12-19-2008 - 5:02pm

I

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2007
Fri, 12-19-2008 - 5:20pm

Hi Batgirl -


Welcome to the board - you have come to the right place with your questions and for support.

lightning in my heart

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2008
Fri, 12-19-2008 - 5:53pm

Thank you for the advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2008
Sat, 12-20-2008 - 10:51am

So we talked on my way home last night. He admitted that he's been grumpy lately due to all the business trips, his upcoming holiday travel, and the full social schedule his girlfriend keeps them on. He just hasn't had time to relax. He assured me he is not "over it".

I told him that I don't want to have to wonder about him. I told him that I would be honest with him if I wanted to end things and he agreed to do the same. But he said that wasn't the case right now at all.

He did say that since we talk on the way to work, all day at work, and on the way home, that sometimes he feels like he doesn't have much to say or offer to the conversation. He said that he used to use his drive home to decompress. But now he feels like he should call me because his commute is 15 minutes and mine is 90 and he feels like he should call and keep me entertained. So I asked him not to. I would rather our conversations be meaningful and not a nuisance.

I have always hated playing games, but I think for my own sanity, I will play one this weekend. I am free all day today and he is busy. He is free all day tomorrow and I am busy. Then Monday I am off work with my H. So there isn't much chance we can talk til Tuesday. But last night he told me we would find a way to talk this weekend. So I will wait. I am not going to contact him at all. (I usually send texts, etc when I'm free). And we'll see what happens. If, in fact, we can't talk til Tuesday, we'll see if he sounds like 3 days NC was hard. And if not, then I think I have my answer.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2007
Mon, 12-22-2008 - 9:34am
I have had some of the same problems where in the early days you can talk for hours.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2008
Wed, 12-24-2008 - 1:18pm

Thank you. That does make me feel better. Turns out I did have some free time Sunday...and he called. We had a nice conversation, actually talking about things....not just small talk. We knew we couldn't talk Monday but we did a fair amount of texting. We texted a bit yesterday, but couldn't talk. He ended up getting stuck at work and by the time he was off, my H was home.

Today will be interesting. He and his girlfriend are both off. I am home alone til about 3. He used to make special efforts to leave the house so we could talk for a few...we'll see if that's possible today. And then he's gone. For a week. With his girlfriend and his family. I would be stupid to assume there would be any contact during that time. So I am really hoping he finds a way to call today.

I still have a feeling he might be over this. But I am not sure if it's simply because of what btrue said, about all the stuff at the beginning fading out, or if in fact he is no longer as addicted to me as I am to him.

I have brought it up before (see previous msgs) so I really don't want to beat a dead horse. In any of your experiences, do you notice they perk up a little if you pull back? I am trying not to initiate any contact but I am engaging with him when he does. Any advice? Thoughts?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2008
Wed, 12-24-2008 - 1:31pm

It is possible that some of that initial rush might be fading for him. But I'd also guess that with Christmas coming up, and going away with his girlfriend, that he might just be busy.


You could try to pull back a bit, see if a little NC makes him miss you. I know I played that game with my xAP, and it seemed to work most of the time. But really, As are complicated enough without having to play games. Finally xAP and I had a conversation where we were like "we have got to be straight up with each other. If either of us has any issue with anything, we have to let the other know."


With his holiday coming up it's not likely you'll be able to have that conversation now. But if contact resumes after New Years, it might be something to consider. Respectful communication is key, it's the only thing that kept me sane during this whole A ride.


Best of luck! Let us know how things go.