New here and a total mess!
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New here and a total mess!
| Tue, 08-26-2003 - 10:37am |
Hi Everyone. I am new here. I need some advice.
Last February, I started talking to a man on the internet. We met on a local site and because since all of us usual posters of the board were from around the same area (with in a 50 mile radius) we decided to have a get together for the site. He decided to be on the committe as well as I did. So we really started talking on IM's,and eventually the phone. We decided to meet and when we did, it was love at first site. Since he has daughters and a wife, and I have daughters and a husband, some how we all became friends and eventually started hanging out like once a week. It was nice. He would come up to our house and we would go down. He and I started getting emotionally involved and we started having little "meetings". He would drive the hour up to my work (I worked in a big city an hour away) just to spend time with me. I would meet him late at night when he worked odd hours. We never slept together, just fooled around alot, kissed and all that good stuff. He told me he loved me. He wrote me poems. All the things my DH doesnt do. MM would email me long emails, call me, tell me how much he loves me how much he hates his wife, (she is a real bi*ch). Then all of a sudden he gets really busy, coaching football and with his work and side jobs. So we no longer hang out, no longer talk. I emailed him and asked what was up. Apparently he is really busy and really depressed about money and his life....I guess he is one of those people that shut themselves into a nutshell when life gets hard. He wont talk to me. So I email him and beg him to talk to me. I told him that if he wants me to leave him alone all i need is a goodbye. I just need to hear it. He wont chat with me anymore, he wont respond to my emails....I caught him once on messenger and he just told me that life is so bad, he is going downhill, he hates his life....he needs space. All that. So my thing is how do I go from being told he cant live with out to this? It hurts!!! What do I do? Move on? Forget about him? Try my hardest to? Help!
Last February, I started talking to a man on the internet. We met on a local site and because since all of us usual posters of the board were from around the same area (with in a 50 mile radius) we decided to have a get together for the site. He decided to be on the committe as well as I did. So we really started talking on IM's,and eventually the phone. We decided to meet and when we did, it was love at first site. Since he has daughters and a wife, and I have daughters and a husband, some how we all became friends and eventually started hanging out like once a week. It was nice. He would come up to our house and we would go down. He and I started getting emotionally involved and we started having little "meetings". He would drive the hour up to my work (I worked in a big city an hour away) just to spend time with me. I would meet him late at night when he worked odd hours. We never slept together, just fooled around alot, kissed and all that good stuff. He told me he loved me. He wrote me poems. All the things my DH doesnt do. MM would email me long emails, call me, tell me how much he loves me how much he hates his wife, (she is a real bi*ch). Then all of a sudden he gets really busy, coaching football and with his work and side jobs. So we no longer hang out, no longer talk. I emailed him and asked what was up. Apparently he is really busy and really depressed about money and his life....I guess he is one of those people that shut themselves into a nutshell when life gets hard. He wont talk to me. So I email him and beg him to talk to me. I told him that if he wants me to leave him alone all i need is a goodbye. I just need to hear it. He wont chat with me anymore, he wont respond to my emails....I caught him once on messenger and he just told me that life is so bad, he is going downhill, he hates his life....he needs space. All that. So my thing is how do I go from being told he cant live with out to this? It hurts!!! What do I do? Move on? Forget about him? Try my hardest to? Help!
~~Jeli
(A Married Mom)

Don't you hate it when guys, or anyone for that matter, send you mixed signals? I understand your frustration and confusion, but I think he may need some space to sort his personal things out. He may be confused himself about his feelings for you and his wife, thinking that he is not supposed to feel that way. Money, or lack thereof, does cause problems and with him being the head of the house, that burden might be a little much at times. I think most of us here has BTDT with the money problems.
My advice would be to let him know that you will be there for him when he needs it, but then back off and let him make the next move. The backing off part is always painful, but necessary at times, and if he is truly interested, he'll be back.
Hang in there and know the board is here whenever you need it.
Take care.
Thanks for your reply. After some thinking, I sat down and sent him a short email that just basically said that I know he is going thru alot and that I can never have too many friends, so he should feel free to shout at me when he needs me, and I promise I wont read anything into it or take it for more than it is.
And he replied. He actually replied. He never replied to all my mushy ones that I sent when he became distant, but he replied and he sent me one that said "Thank you, I really appreciate that and you may regret saying that because my mind is overloaded and I need to dump it some day soon".
I guess thats a start, you know? I know he shut himself up into a shell and if I am going to get him to start coming out...this is a start.
I love him so much and its hard to pretend that I can do this....but I have to learn that patience is better than nothing.
Thanks.
Jeli
Way to go!!