new here andneed some feedback/advice..

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2003
new here andneed some feedback/advice..
12
Sun, 10-12-2003 - 10:32am
My marriage has been touch and go for the last year now. A month ago my husband and I have confronted each other about what has been gong on and not going on in our marriage. I finally had to admit that even though he is a lovely person and good with my son (from my first marriage) I am no longer "in love" with him and haven't been for quite some time. He is 13 years older than I and our lives just do not seem to be going in the same direction any more.....I have felt lately like getting out and enjoying life..exploring new places, things etc..while my husband prefers to stay home....play on the computer..watch tv ect. Now there are lots of little reasons that I have ended up feeling the way i do right now..but here is the dilemma.

I have agreed to stay for awhile to try and "work things out"..unfortunately it's not working for me at all. In the lsat 2 months i have met a very kind gentle man, single father with 2 children......I have explained my situation and although we have become freinds..there has been no sexual involvement besides hugging and kissing. We talk twice a week on the phone (as he lives in a different city)...we email......etc....I feel totatlyy ay ease with this man..talking and confiding in him..he accepts me for who I am....asks about my son etc....and admits he has developed deep feeling for me. Deep in my hert I could very easily fall in love with this man...he writes me poetry and is emotionally very honest...affectionate. I have spoken to people who know him and he has always been this way. (so it's not just a put on for me).

With my marriage on the "rocks' should I end it now and try and move on with this other man? He says he will wait however long is necesary and has not pushed for sex at all. HELP!

Thanks everyone for listening..I know I wrote quite a bit.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2003
Tue, 10-14-2003 - 4:08pm
I think that as women we do this quite often... we are so worried about everyone else's happiness and well being that we forget about our own. I agree with the other posters so far, that it is not fair to EITHER of you to be in a situation where neither of you are happy and/or fulfilled. I know too many married couples that are together because of the comfort factor. They are familiar with each other and know how to react to given situations. They stay together because they are too afraid to go it alone. Fear is not a good enough reason to stay together. If the two of you can make a clean break at this time then do it. The longer you are together the more complicated things become and if you do not have children together right, don't wait. The more people affected by a D the harder it is to even consider it. I will repeat what has been stated often on this board, don't leave for other person, leave for yourself.

Saatty

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2003
Tue, 10-14-2003 - 4:17pm
Yes I know..thank you. Althought this is my second marriage..my first one ended for very different reasons. I know I have to make a clean break both for myself and to let my husband get on with his life and find someone who loves him as much as he deserves.

I have not intention of leaving becasue I may have a new man in my life. I was going to make the break eventually anyway. When I go..which i think will be sooner than later it will soley be for myself and my son.

I can't tell everyone enough how wonderful your advice has been. Thank you. I don't feel quite as alone as I thought I was.

H.

Pages