New here any advice?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2012
New here any advice?
Sat, 03-31-2012 - 1:38pm

I have been lurking for a while but never posted. I am a MW and I've been having an A with a MM for almost 3 years.

It's a very long story.Here is a little background.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2009
Sat, 03-31-2012 - 2:26pm

Her wife has rightfully asked him not to bring any women around the kids, and as you say, he feels devastated that she reconnected. As a result, he doesn't want to feel devastated again by re-marrying, least at the moment.

He asked you over, and you talked a bit, which is always good, and you made love, which is the best cure for relieving stress and getting out of gloom. What part of it is confusing?

Remember, not feeling like having another wife doesn't mean he can't enjoy his friendship with you. Although he seems to have shown manipulative behavior in the past when he wanted to see you, and you didn't.. but you could contribute that to his genuine interest in you... and right now, he needs your consolation and emotional/erotic support, which you seem to be fine with.

Humans and their behavior is based on a mix of emotions and logic. from lannmann's book of quotes ;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2012
Sat, 03-31-2012 - 3:46pm

I guess it just confuses me because I am in my second M and when I left my first M there was no affair and I didn't want to be with anyone. I wanted to be single and get my life in order. I cant imagine I would've slept with anyone,but again I want sleeping with anyone before the D

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2010
Mon, 04-02-2012 - 1:01am
In my opinion he feels rejected because his marriage is falling apart, he needed you to talk too and he needed you sexually to boost his self esteem, she doesn't want him but you do.

I also think he wants to be alone after his marriage ends, to come to grips with his life. I think he was telling you he is not changing things with you.

I remember during my affair, my X-AP said he was leaving his marriage and he to said "I need to be alone" a separation holds so much drama, that I do think they want and need space, to be able to digest or even compartmentalize some of it.

Good luck, big hugs!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
Mon, 04-02-2012 - 1:13pm
I think you were a comfort to him in a time of need. You temporarily helped him through a tough night & he may have many more. It's hard for him to come to grips that their marriage may be over. He definitely will need space and time to digest all of this.


Much peace & Love,



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2012
Mon, 04-02-2012 - 5:50pm

Thanks everyone.