New here--I think I should run, but how?
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| Mon, 11-10-2003 - 7:42pm |
MM and I met at work 11 years ago. We became friends and he and I used to go out for drinks after work. We have similar interests, especially our interest in sports. I was not married when we met. Over the years, he has seen me through several boyfriends and a bad marriage. We became best friends. Then one night, after we had both had too much to drink, I kissed him. We have been having an affair since that night for the past 3 1/2 years.
He and I no longer work together because our relationship was discovered at work. He is still with his wife, but they seem to have an on-again/off-again kind of relationship. He tells me he still loves her, but he loves me too, and has told me that when their kids are gone, he doesn't think she will want to be with him anymore. Is he just using me as a security blanket? There is so much more to tell, but I don't want to go on and on. I feel so lonely and I miss him terribly now that I don't see him on a daily basis at work. Should I run away and risk losing not only the love of my life, but also my best friend?

My MM and I have differnt types of Jobs and differnt bosses just same location.
Everyone down at work assumed me and MM had something going on but could never prove it because we never did anything but talk and laugh together and thats all they saw.
Anyway I have been at a differnt location now for 1 year and we a closer than before because no one is trying to find us out, all eyes are off us, not that we care anyway but
it is sooooo much better now.
I don't know if I helped any I just wanted to let you know that it can work not seeing him everyday, and when you do OMG it is so good. LOL
I used to work with my MM too -- although our A didn't start until after I left my job. But I do miss seeing him everyday too.
One thing you said in your post bothered me a bit, and maybe you could explain a little (or a lot!) further. You said that he "told me that when their kids are gone, he doesn't think she will want to be with him anymore." That wouldn't sit too well with me.
I'm sure it's much more complicated than your post revealed, so feel free to tell us more about your situation, and meanwhile, hang in there!!
Charlotte
You're right about the "once the kids are gone she won't want me anyway" comment. That's something that he has always maintained--he HAS to stay there for his family right now. I can understand the importance of his kids to him. What makes me sad is that a lot of the time I feel like he is keeping me around just in case she decides to leave him once the empty nest syndrome starts. She makes good money and has for the past several years been the breadwinner in the family. Prior to me losing my job, I was on the same path as her. Now that I am no longer "successful" I think part of the attraction is gone for him. They recently refinanced their house and he has been talking to me about all of these home improvement plans they have. It hurts. The thought of giving up on him though, also hurts. We have developed this relationship over some many years. He has been my best friend for years. It wasn't untl the past few years that it became something more. I don't know where to go from here because I feel like I can't go on the way I am now, but I can't live without him either. What should I do?
Crayzee
Thanks for your message. I get scared because I used to enjoy going to work everyday just to see him. I'm not working at the moment, nor is he, but I have all of these fears that once we do start working it will be almost impossible for us to see each other. How do you and your MM manage to spend time together?
It always breaks my heart when I read about so many of you ladies just WAITING for your MM. It honestly does not sound like he will ever leave. From what I've read, in most situations they don't -- and even IF they do, it seems like the odds are so much against you as far as the chances of things working out.
I think you need to think about all this more. Do you want to remain in a relationship with him even if you know it will probably go nowhere? Really think about it!! I'm sorry. Hang in there.
Chartlotte
I work nights now, before it was same time as MM, so now I can meet him for lunch if he gets away early.
He calls me first thing in the morning and if I don't have lunch with him he calls me on his lunch break and we talk while he has his lunch and I leave him a message on his cell on my way to work and when I get off I have a message waiting for me.
We live in a small town and he will call and if I'm not home he will call me on my cell and ask me where I'm at, and if I'm near the local store and he is to he will ask me to meet him there and we will do our shopping together, that gives us time to see and talk for a little bit, we do that type of thing all the time, if he is at the car wash and he calls and I'm near by he will ask me to stop by and he will wash my car for me and that gives us another chance to visit, there small things but they add up.
And on weekends when his W is home because of the type of Job my MM has he can make up an excuse to go into town and his W won't think anything of it and he will call me just to say hi and to see how am doing.