New Here, Only In EA, Saying Hello!!!
Find a Conversation
| Sun, 01-11-2009 - 1:49pm |
Hi all,
I am new here. I'll try to make my story brief. I'm in an EA with my friend's STBX boyfriend and the father of her child. She and I have known each other basically our entire lives. She and I have also known him for the same amount of time. She met him and they moved in too quickly and she got PG when he was going to leave, but he stayed for his child.
In the meantime, he and I became friends and started working together. For the most part, I never looked at him as anything other than a friend. We fit each other so well, but I was M and he was with her. Eventually, I started to realize I would miss his phone calls (they live in another city, so we don't see each other) and if he said he would call and didn't I would be somewhat disappointed.
He talked to me about how unhappy he was with her, and how he never wanted to be with her once he got to know her, how he felt trapped, etc. She is mentally unstable (and has been instutionalized) and her family is also crazy. He had no idea of any of this before getting involved. Because of her mental condition, she's not a very present mother and not an equal partner in their realtionship. She does nothing to get help for her condition and she is acutely aware that she needs professional help, btw.
Still, with my feelings I couldn't admit to myself that I was attracted to him and so I went on playing this game with myself that we were just friends. In the meantime, he told me he was leaving her and the details of his plan and asked that I talk to her, kind of as an intervention, not to save their relationship but to try to help her. I agreed.
When she came to visit with her son, I talked to her. In that moment, I realized that I was attracted to him and felt guilty for talking to her, like I was playing both sides of the fence. She talked about how she wanted to save her realtionship and so forth, and I knew it was impossible. After that I explained to him that I couldn't be in that position anymore because I was attracted to him. He said he was to me as well and we left it at that.
We continued to speak frequently and the nature of our conversations never changed, although I acknolwedge we were in an EA. I left my STBX and started the process of a D (which had NOTHING to do with this guy because I wanted out of my M 2 years ago). Suddely, AP revealed more feelings for me and has said that when he is away from her he wants to try a relationship with me. He believes that we are meant to be.
I don't know what I believe at this point or

As the previous poster said it sounds like you are well on your way to being out in the open.
Thanks for the replies. I think it's easier to keep the lines more firm since we live in different cities (which are more than a few hours away from each other) but somehow I think when we are in the same place all rationale will go out the window.
I am trying to hold firm, but in the meantime it's frustrating. It kills me when he gets off the phone or can't talk about something with me because she is there. Our emails have to be artfully worded, so that they don't reveal too much in case she is checking things and so forth. I honestly give it up to those of you in A's who can survive all of this for the cause of love. Even though I know he's still there with her, it does make me feel just kind of bummed. But, I think that's also in part because I'm out of my M and so I'm free to date now.
As for the R, that's what sucks the most martialartsmom, the not knowing whether or not it will work until you know. Why is life so unfair? lol....Or maybe it's not life, but just that most people don't know how to relate to each other. I don't know.
For the moment, I'm distracting myself so that I don't think about him and obcess over the situation and just trying to accept it for what it is without putting any hope into the future.