New here- question

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2009
New here- question
4
Fri, 04-24-2009 - 9:54pm

I've been M 6 years, and we have a great M! I'm satisfied with everything (sex, time spent together, emotional support, etc) and don't feel like I need anything.
Yet, I still long for the attention of other men. I recently went back to work and love the attention I get from a couple men there. Nothing physical has happened, but I continually daydream about "what if?"
I had an EA with a man when I was first M and felt so guilty about it, yet I can't stop myself from wanting that (and more!) with my co-workers.
I know with one co-worker, its purely a physical attraction.... we both want each other due to looks alone. The other is more of an emotional connection between us two.
I know there's nothing I need emotionally... I was completely satisfied with H for many years. We are still passionately in love with each other. He makes me feel desired and sexy, and is supportive, caring, etc. The only difference from a few months ago (when I was completely satisfied) to now is.... I've had contact with other men that have expressed interest in me, and now I'm interested in them.

I've talked to H about it and he wants me to stop, so no one will get burned by the fire I keep fanning.

I want to stop desiring my co-workers, but can't. I'm totally addicted to their attention, and I seek it. I purposefully go to their areas and ask for help, just so I can flirt.

How do I stop????????????

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2007
Fri, 04-24-2009 - 10:58pm

Honestly, and you admit this, I think this is YOUR issue as an individual. You have professed love and affection for your H and you said you have a great marriage. You have discussed this with him and he wants you to stop (read that as his way of saying he will not tolerate cheating).

I think you need to go to therapy and address your issues with a professional who can help you. If you continue to fan the flames, as you say, then I think you need to think about what you will lose if you DO get burned in the inevitable flare up. Would it be worth it?

~Shadowz
~Shadowz
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2008
Sat, 04-25-2009 - 6:33am
(( hugs ))
You have everything what a woman wants ! All i would ask ,is are you ready to lose all of that?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2009
Sat, 04-25-2009 - 9:17am

Hi sweetie, you are so lucky to have such a great marriage, I envy you!! I completely agree with cl-shadowz, this is your issue and you need to deal with it so you don't lose your precious marriage.

Therapy is a great place to unwind these uncomfortable urges and feelings we have - it could be related to childhood issues, father-daughter relationship issues... therapy is NOT shameful, I think the World would be a better place if everyone went a few times, lol. I've been in and out of T for years and it's been very helpful for me.

hugs!

trixie

Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2009
Sun, 04-26-2009 - 6:09am

I'm reminded of an old saying:

"If you continue to hang around the barber-shop, you will eventually get your hair cut."

When confronted with temptation, you must play the whole thing thru in your head & fully recognize the probable outcome of having your wonderful marriage ruined & your H completely crushed. Then proceed accordingly.

If its a risk you're willing to take, then something is actually wrong that you aren't admitting to yourself.

But I agree that it sounds like you have what we all desire-a wonderful man who loves you for who you are & treats you beautifully and satisfies you. If you have all that from one man-you are one lucky woman!

My best to you!