New here with a question

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2008
New here with a question
11
Sun, 09-28-2008 - 1:56pm

Hi all,
I've been lurking for a couple of months and I think I'm ready to join in.

My AP is a MM, I am M also. We've been having a PA for almost 2 years. We were friends before hand and one thing led to another.

My question is this: We've always had our A on the basis that it was purely a PA. I mean we care about each other as friends, but nothing more has been touched on or discussed from an emotional standpoint. I'm fine with this and all I can assume is that he is as well.

Is it possible for a PA to continue for a long period of time without any heavy duty emotional involvement? I'm not looking to end up with a happily ever after situation here. I think I'd be very scared with the prospect of an intense EA.

I know there are no hard and fast rules here so I'm looking for more personal anecdotes than anything.

Sorry for the randomness! I've never, ever discussed the A with anyone other than AP so my thoughts are probably scattered.

Thanks for letting me join you.

-Sim

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2007
Mon, 09-29-2008 - 10:53am
" nothing more has been touched on or discussed from an emotional standpoint. "If you stick to it then it is possible to have long term purely sexual affair
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2008
Mon, 09-29-2008 - 11:16am

Hi.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2008
Mon, 09-29-2008 - 1:30pm

Thank you for the replies.

I guess I felt a bit jaded in my not feeling strong, romantic emotions for AP.
We were friends for a long while before the PA started. I found him to be attractive, but recognized that it was a lust attraction.
We get together once every couple of weeks, though not always for physical contact, we have mutual friends so I think we're together more socially with other people than for the A, LOL. We often have long periods of NC at all and we're both fine with that.
What prompted me to start posting was my own assessment that I'd been naive and stupid when the A started. We both swore up and down that when it ended (and I know it will at some point) that we wouldn't let it affect our friendship. I'm in disbelief now that I was ever that naive, lust is a powerful thing!
I know it will end our friendship. I'm sad that it will end our friendship. There are times I wish I could go back and stop it before it started, just to preserve the comradery we had and still have. I will just have to mourn the loss when it happens.

It's been about 2 years since the PA started and I have had periods when I felt like I needed him to emotionally support me through hard times, he has had them as well. It seems when we hit times like those, the PA takes a backseat to the emotional supportive part of the friendship, we seem to be able to put the friendship first and revert back to what we were before the PA. It's confusing, as I'm sure all A's are. Maybe I'm just deluding myself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2008
Mon, 09-29-2008 - 1:58pm

Sounds to me like you both may have some real emotional ties to one another.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2008
Mon, 09-29-2008 - 2:12pm
My AP and I started out 8 years ago with no expectations.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2008
Mon, 09-29-2008 - 2:57pm

Good luck! Have you come to terms with the idea that it all has to end someday? Are you trying to end it?

I think knowing that it will all end is what's holding me back from falling hard for him. I know I'll never have him free and clear as mine. I know it's exciting because it's forbidden and scandalous. I know that if thrown into a real R type thing, it would become mundane and practical. I would be lying if I said it didn't excite me when I know he's the one calling, or that I didn't look forward to our time together. I know I don't love him in the truest sense of the word though.

Thanks so much for chatting with me. The thoughts get so confused and sometimes a girl just needs to talk it out, KWIM?

-Sim.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2008
Mon, 09-29-2008 - 2:58pm
Thank you for sharing that with me.
How long into the A did the feelings surface? Did you and he address them or just continue to ignore them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2008
Tue, 09-30-2008 - 8:41am

Funny enough only this year we kind of talked about it but we just glossed over it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2008
Tue, 09-30-2008 - 11:00am

Hi and Welcome Sim,


I think that if you have been in your A for two years you are doing something right. I think it all depends on the people involved and what their needs are in an

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2008
Tue, 09-30-2008 - 3:25pm

I totally succeeded in not acting on any of his advances yesterday.

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