New Here- A w/ friend's husband

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2009
New Here- A w/ friend's husband
6
Wed, 06-17-2009 - 1:25am
Hello,
I'm so happy I stumbled across this board.
I have been involved in an A with my friend's husband since November. Both of us are married, both have two children (ranging in age from 8-12.) His wife and I have been friends for a few years, but within the past year have become closer friends, ironically. I want to know if there is anyone out there involved in this type of A.
My AP always favored me amongst his wife's friends, and they used to joke about how I was his favorite. Through facebook we became friends, and a relationship soon followed. We meet several times a week, for an hour or so at a time, for lunch, or just to drive around in the evenings and talk. We've had sex twice in the 7 months we've been together, and have done other intimate acts on occasion. We both acknowledge that we love each other, and neither of us has any intention of leaving our spouses.
My husband and I have been married for over 10 years and have a pretty good relationship, but the voids we have are what is being filled by my AP. I've struggled hard over the past few months, toggling between enjoying what we share, and pining and yearning for more because we have so much more in common with each other than we do with our spouses. I'm sure this is a common theme on this board, and I don't even know what I'm asking for here...mostly support and empathy from someone else in my situation. This is harder than I ever imagined, and I'm in a situation that in a million years I NEVER would've expected. It's made so much harder by the fact that his wife is my friend. The guilt was enormous at the beginning, but I've found a way to break into two people...one who is still a good wife and mother, and a good friend, and one who is in love with my friend's husband.
I hope that someone here knows how I feel. :(
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2009
Wed, 06-17-2009 - 3:34am

Yes.......I have been there........maybe still there somewhat.....who knows. I care deeply for this man but with that I must say I wish I had never gone down this road. I never in a million years thought I would have done such a thing. In the end (after multiple discoveries) there was so much damage done that it was

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2000
Sun, 06-21-2009 - 2:49am
It's wrong to sleep with your friend's husband. Plain and simple. Affairs themselves are wrong, but doubly wrong when it's with your friend's husband. If you value her at all..if you value ourself at all...you will end this affair and stop the ridiculous busniess of sleeping with him. He is unavailable. You are unavailable. If you're not happy in your marriage...get a divorce. This isn't the 50's anymore. This is an option. To not do so considering everything is to use your husband for whatever....money, comfort, etc. That's wrong. If you want to feel good about yourself. To have a clear conscience, then you will end this foolishness. He ain't all that. Neither are you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2008
Sun, 06-21-2009 - 1:18pm

I've never posted on this board

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2005
Mon, 06-22-2009 - 4:30am

Excuse me, 'sillyme' but I'm a tad confused here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Mon, 06-22-2009 - 10:17am

You are being able to compartmentalize.i dont see any harm when you are feeling fulfilled and satisfied.

We get one life to live and life is short.make the best of it.who cares how we lived? its our life and we are choosing what we want to.dont feel guilty to the point that you sacrifice your own life for others who may not even realize what you don for them.live for yourself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2007
Wed, 06-24-2009 - 12:59pm

We get one life to live and life is short.make the best of it.who cares how we lived? its our life and we are choosing what we want to.dont feel guilty to the point that you sacrifice your own life for others who may not even realize what you don for them.live for yourself.


Wow, that is sad that there are people who really don't care anything about other people. You must really be in deep pain from something you've experienced in life because having such dull feeling is unhealthy.


Anyway smoted, I really think you should take the advice of the other posters and end this A now. If you really must step outside of your M find someone else who you are not friends with the W. That is just way too bad. When you are found out, and believe me, one day it will happen, your kids, your spouses, your family and everyone will be scarred.