New here, young and confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2009
New here, young and confused
9
Fri, 02-13-2009 - 3:31am

So I've been lurking a while, and wanted to share my story.


I'm only 24, and have only been married six months. I have no kids.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
Fri, 02-13-2009 - 7:15am

How about an annulment?


Lizzie

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2008
Fri, 02-13-2009 - 8:43am

Having an A after 6 months of M is no good.From spending 'more time' with the other guy, go to ' no time' with him.

Single women can be trusted by MM while IMHO, single guys in A with MW are not trustworthy.

Work on your new M.

Good Luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2009
Fri, 02-13-2009 - 9:01am
You've only been married for 6 months and are already having an A??!! Omg! wake up and walk away, you will never be
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2009
Fri, 02-13-2009 - 1:45pm

Hey,


You apparently weren't ready to get married if you are cheating after 6 months. You should consider an annulment in fairness to your husband so that he may find somebody committed to him 100%


Amexdm

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2009
Fri, 02-13-2009 - 1:53pm

Hi Amex,


I think you should direct this toward the original poster I was just commenting on her post ;-)


Lost

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Fri, 02-13-2009 - 1:55pm

Get some professional help.


I had a friend who met his GF while still in high school.

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2008
Fri, 02-13-2009 - 2:49pm

Wow, six months?

Listen, go get some therapy. Go alone. Try to sort out why this happened. Was it because you truly love this man; or....was it bound to happen with someone eventually due to something inside of you.

You and your husband should be having sex all the time. That alone is an issue (unless you are both ok with the frequency/non-frequency).

I can't imagine how painful it would be to end your marriage at this point, but I can tell you this....it will be significantly more painful after years of making memories, children, cars, houses, ROTH IRAs....I could go on and on.

Consider this a response from your Mom...(I've been married 30 years and know from whence I speak)....go get some therapy. Go now.

Take care of yourself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2009
Thu, 02-19-2009 - 4:20am

Thanks for all the wise words. You gals (and guys) know what a messy road these A's are, and I appreciate your wisdom.

About the idea of it being harder to get a D later on...H and I have been together almost six years, even though we've only been married six months. So our lives are already quite entwined.

We already have the mortgage, the dog, the car payment and the 401(k)s. Someone mentioned that we should be having sex all the time, but after nearly six years the spark and the newness has long since worn off (as we all know it does in long-term relationships). The only thing we don't have right now are kids, thankfully.

The craziest thing about this whole A is that AP and I really connect. He listens to me, I listen to him, and we understand each other. When we have time on the phone when we're both home alone, conversations can last a good six hours. There's just this connection between us that was never there with H. Even when we first got together, H and I never talked like *that*. AP loves me, he supports me, he challenges me. I'm out of work at the moment, and H has no desire to talk to me about the job hunting process, ask if I've had interviews, any of that. Whereas AP is my cheerleader in the whole thing, giving me resume tips and looking at job postings with me. Also, H told me a few months ago that one of the main reasons our marriage works is because he's too afraid of me to stand up to me. Is that even remotely healthy?

I try not to play the comparison game, but obviously that's hard to avoid. Do you guys find yourselves comparing your AP to your H?

But see, I have no idea what's normal. Being only 24 years old, H is the only person I've been in such a long relationship with, long enough to take each other for granted. I don't know what's normal in a long-term relationship - as in, what's reasonable and what's expecting too much. I mean, Valentine's passed, and AP brought me flowers. H forgot the day altogether - our first V-Day as a married couple. I don't know if I'm *allowed* to be hurt by that, or if I should just take that as a sign that six months into the marriage, H is already checked right out of it. Or maybe expecting him do acknowledge kitschy holidays like V-Day is being too demanding of H, especially since he's been busy with work. So confusing.

I don't know how you gals do it when both partners are M. I'm M, and AP is single, and it's enough of an effort to keep our A from his roommate (who I think is onto us, anyway). I can't imagine how people keep things under wraps when both parties have a spouse. Kudos to you guys for sticking with it.

Ugh. Sorry, that was long. Thanks for all your support and words of wisdom!




Edited 2/19/2009 4:22 am ET by lady_euphoria
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2008
Thu, 02-19-2009 - 4:56pm

Hi Lady,


I thought you might benefit from my story.