New here...having an affair

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2009
New here...having an affair
9
Thu, 04-02-2009 - 9:45am

My life is a disaster.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2008
Thu, 04-02-2009 - 10:15am
Seriously, dont leave your M for this guy.If things are'nt awful with H,try to make them better.Go councelling and take this guy out of the picture.As long as he is in your life, you both ( H and you )wont be able to make your M a haapy one.
Was your H always into having 3somes?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2009
Thu, 04-02-2009 - 12:03pm

I don't know how to fall back in love with him...I don't know that I want to either.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
Thu, 04-02-2009 - 2:55pm

now i'm confused.

when you *were* married? you're not into it? but i thought that's how you met AP.

Mrs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2008
Thu, 04-02-2009 - 3:26pm

All I can say is WOW!!! I hope you all are using protection against STD's. Talk about sexual indulgence.... deceits.... and an out of whack tangled web.

Look, you have to decide for yourself what it is you really want and move towards achieving that. It's obvious what you have going now is NOT working for you.

Shadow Word generated at Pimp-My-Profile.com


"People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within."


- Ramona L. Anderson
Shadow Word generated at Pimp-My-Profile.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
Thu, 04-02-2009 - 4:39pm

remind me, G. when was your affair?

Mrs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2008
Thu, 04-02-2009 - 6:55pm

Actually had two affairs. First one was 10-years ago. Me MW, he SG. A lasted 5-years (broke my heart when it ended). We cited irreconcilable differences. I vowed then never to have another A. But, I guess we should never say never.

Background, M very young (me-16, H-21) both too immature to make an M work. On again off again separations until we both had a truce to stay together for the 2 kids. We got along better then. We both could do whatever we want. H was not reliable. I went back to school got a degree and had a very good high stress, high pay job. I became the bread winner.

2-years after I ended first A, I lost my 25-years old son to a heart problem we didn't know about. I was devastated. Became depressed and suicidal. My health suffered. I was inconsolable. Had a bad asthma attack and was taken to ER where I met now current AP/BF. He was there teaching Anesthesiology in patients with respiratory problems. He fell for me but he was M. I told him I don't play with MM.

A year later he found me and he had D papers in hand. Although I was still M, H and I were separated (he lived in another house we both owned) but we didn't file any papers. So, we were still technically M. H was financially dependent on me and I couldn't pull the rug from under him. AP kept pressuring me to get a D but I just couldn't. Had all kinds of reasons why I can't, but mainly because my dd (darling daughter) was in college and I didn't want to jeopardize that after all the $ I spent on keeping her there until she finished.

When dd graduated, AP gave me an ultimatum. Long story short. I filed for D which was just finalized last year. Now with AP/BF IRL. We're still WIP and we don't know if it's going to be a happy ending. But i know for sure I'll be ok no matter what.

Shadow Word generated at Pimp-My-Profile.com


"People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within."


- Ramona L. Anderson
Shadow Word generated at Pimp-My-Profile.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2009
Thu, 04-02-2009 - 10:43pm

I mean that the 3somes didn't start before we got married. My AP was a friend of ours before he was invited into our bedroom.


I'm not into having a 3some with some other guy just because my DH wants me to.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2009
Fri, 04-03-2009 - 8:16am

I really don't think that he is lying to me. I have known him for 10+ yrs and we've hooked up without him telling me that he loves me so why lie to me now? I truly believe that he loves me.


He's not telling me or pressuring me to leave at all. He is afraid of all the ugliness that will happen if I do...I am afraid as well.


You guys have me rethinking this whole thing. Even if it does hurt reading your responses it may be best to end it, but I don't know that I want to. I love how I feel when we are together...I do forget about everything at home when we are. I wonder if that feeling would stay the same if I were to leave. We get each other, we have great chemistry together, we

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
Fri, 04-03-2009 - 8:38am

your situation is way beyond my experience and i hesitate to comment. but like i said in another thread, these are OPINIONS. no one knows the real situation but you.

Mrs.