New here...LDA...advice?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2010
New here...LDA...advice?
8
Fri, 05-21-2010 - 7:07pm

This is going to be long…so thanks in advance to anyone who makes it through and can offer advice. I have been lurking here for some time; and you all seem like such a supportive and insightful group of women (and men) that I decided to introduce myself!


LouLou
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Fri, 05-21-2010 - 11:47pm

Welcome to MAS, Lou:).


I'm sort of in an LDA.

anotherseyes

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2009
Sat, 05-22-2010 - 12:12pm

hi loulou.. love the nick, btw.. mm here with a mw AP for two or so years.. and yes, LD..


similar thing happened to us in the sense that she did/pulled quite the same thing that you did.. so, the way you reacted is quite normal..


ego boost, escape.. yep, those are all true..


"real".. i think it is real when the both of you are honest to each other in terms of who you are, how you feel, and where you stand.. if the both of you have access to the "inner you" through your comms, then it is real.

Avatar for earnhardt_jr_fan
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 05-22-2010 - 1:37pm

First off, the confusion you feel is normal in an affair. I know I always felt confused, edgy and unsure about things. It's the nature of the affair beast.

To answer your questions - yes, a long distance affair can work but only if both parties are commited to making it work. I will tell you that it's quite rough - not that all affairs aren't hard, but a long distance one is very tough. I was in an LDA for a little while (now it's an LDR) and the distance WILL wear on you. I left my marriage. I didn't leave FOR AP though. I left for me. I needed to leave, but was too scared to go. AP/BF being there gave me the courage I needed to take such huge steps in my life. I know that I eventually would have left - ap or not - but he certainly helped me go when I did.

So. After all that... Yes, LDA's can work and yes, sometimes people do leave.

Good luck to you!!

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Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Sat, 05-22-2010 - 2:23pm
You've gotten lots of good advice here loulou. I just wanted to welcome you to MAS and tell you that I'm really glad you decided to come out of lurkdom. :-)I hope we can help you sort things out.

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You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2010
Sun, 05-23-2010 - 11:53am

Thanks for the warm welcome and all the advice. It really helps to know that there are others who have BTDT, and are going through the same thing.
I guess for now I just continue with things the way they are; until it gets to a point where I can't anymore:-)


He is away on a trip right now, and he usually says to not text him while he is away, but this time he said I could text as usual. Of course, he doesn't always respond right away, but I have heard from him, which is nice.


I think for me this is an escape from reality, and one that is sometimes much needed...LOL! I shall just go with the flow and see what happens.


He was very badly hurt in his marriage and divorce and pretty much shut down his feelings after that, so we don't talk about feelings at all. Maybe at some point in the future that will change...I would love to hear that he has feelings for me, but sometimes actions speak louder than words. This has been going on for 7 months now so there has got to be something there, right?

Anyway, thanks again...I look forward to sharing more.


LouLou
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2009
Sun, 05-23-2010 - 2:57pm

Hi LouLou (that is my great-grandmother's name) Sorry I was late in welcoming you to MAS. I have been in a LDA for 8 years. Circumstances are different though, we had an EA that grew into a PA. So I have heard "feelings" from the beginning. However at the end of the day the same doubt, worry etc. still shows up.

I think I could echo the advice of nevereasy that with LDA's you can't share all the things of whats happening in life. It becomes too much when you can't see or always communicate regularly.

All the best and once again Welcome.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2005
Mon, 05-24-2010 - 1:52am

Lou

Question for ya

How is JAM going to react if you tell him your leaving you husband and being the kids and all the stress with you ?

The boy is a player he would run a mile, do you think your the first woman that he has picked up on a plane ???

Think long and hard about going with the flow because your life is be circling the bowl.

JMHO

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Mon, 05-24-2010 - 2:40am
Nevererasy- best advice ever- thanks xx
You are what you consistently do
You are what you consistently do