New here....(SIGH)

Avatar for citygirlintn
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
New here....(SIGH)
1
Wed, 12-31-2003 - 2:20am
I'm so glad to find an outlet for this, b/c I seriously don't have anyone I can really tell w/o being harshly judged!

I've been in a relationship w/my SO for 2 1/2 years. For the last year and some, I've come to see him as much more of a friend, and our sex life has really become pretty boring and routine. This is also his first real relationship, and he doesn't know any better. Despite all of this, I do love him, and have stayed with him partially b/c of this, and partially b/c I'm not sure I want to leave him.

I started a new job about 2 months ago, and met my OM...I thought he was a cutie, but didn't think anything more until he expressed interest in me just before Thanksgiving. It was kind of ironic, b/c I mentioned to my SO that "If I weren't dating you, I would sleep with this guy." Well, serious flirting on his part spawned serious flirting on my part, and we have seen each other and made love 4 different times. When I realized how attracted to him I was, it was such an eye-opener. It really made me realize that I am not attracted that way to my SO, that there's no real passion there, and also how I missed having that kind of desire in my life. The sparks with OM are uncontrollable...it is literally the best sex I have *ever* had, and though I could never have a real, serious relationship with him (I think we're in 2 totally different places, along with religious differences and a 19-year age difference--I'm 23, he's 42, though he looks not a day over 35, LOL!) the friendship, fun and sex have been so fulfilling. This is the first time I've *ever* cheated on a SO, and in all honesty, even though I know it would break his heart, I don't feel guilty; just happy and whole having great friendship, sex and love in my life even if I have to see two different men to have it all...and maybe that's selfish, but it's the truth. I haven't been this attracted to another man in a very long time, and I miss what it felt like to be pursued. OM is just *so* sexy! (giggling)

SO and I live in the same apartment building, down the hall from each other, and I'm so afraid he's going to find out about my A. I do really care about him, and I'm not sure if this is just something I need to let run its course or not before I'm ready to settle down with him. We had been talking about marriage, but I have told him I'm not ready yet, and have pulled back a little (spending more time w/o him, sleeping alone ) and also told him that I'm not all that attracted to him anymore. He is totally committed to making it work however it has to, and that hurts all the more.

Anyways, it's just relieving to find somewhere to have an outlet. I would love to hear any thoughts/opinions anyone has. Thanks for listening!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-31-2003 - 11:33am
citygirl -- welcome to the board and feel free to post anytime!

honey, you are so young to be tied down, bogged down in a R that is not permanent. you should be dating, having fun, having new experiences! since you already live separately from your BF, why don't you consider having "the talk" with him -- that you want to cool it with him and date other guys. there's no easy way to do it unfortunately. but you must be honest with yourself and your BF and let him know your feelings have changed.

be true to yourself! BF will survive, believe me. and you should be free to explore ALL your options, including OM, in life.

good luck,

gurl