New-Intro & How 2 Talk About Feelings?
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| Mon, 03-29-2004 - 9:42pm |
I'm so glad I found this site. Keeping secrets can really eat away at you. Anyway, an intro. I've been in an A since Nov. I'm a MW, he's a MM. Neither of us have kids. I don't have any major marital issues; however, I don't connect with my husband in a lot of ways. I met MM through business, though we don't work together. The 1st night we met, we were talking and drinking the whole night, and I knew then something was going to happen. The next time we met a couple weeks later was when it turned sexual. Not actual intercourse, but we were both trashed and let our guards down. The next time we met was at a hotel, and well, everything happened there. It was absolutely by far the best sex I've had in my entire life.
He said he'd never done anything like that before. I tend to believe him since both of us were sort of clueless how and where to go about our business at first. But who knows.
Starting in December and especially starting in Jan & Feb, we started spending a LOT of time together. We were working on something, which I won't go into detail about since I'm very parinoid. But we didn't get a lot of chances to actually have sex.
And that's the kicker for me. It started VERY sexually for us at first. The 3rd or so time we had sex, he he made me promise about keeping it all about "great sex" and I agreed. I certainly didn't want to get myself emotionally involved at that point. After I met his wife, I sort of realized why he needed this sexual outlet. She is a bit overweight...I'm very much not so...But he never says anything bad about his wife's physical appearance. Every once in awhile, he complains about her bitchiness. I've met his wife, and actually have spent several hours alone with her. She's a very nice person. But I can see his desire for something different.
But as we spend all that non-sexual time together, I know we grew together emotionally. When our "project" ended, we stopped being able to see each other. The last time we've had sex or have even seen each other was a month ago. But we talk pretty much every day, and text message each other quite often. Our text messages started VERY sexual, but they've evolved into more conversation. He's had a lot of personal problems lately (not related to his marriage), and I've helped him emotionally through them.
Anyway, we've both talked about our problems in our lives a lot lately, but we never really talk about what our relationship is. But I don't even know what it is. How do you guys bring up feelings??? Especially since I had originally "promised" to keep it about sex?
I'm actually quite fine about keeping it about "great sex" but it has obviously evolved beyond that. I'm very confused about where my feelings are. Keeping the status quo right now is quite alright. But neither of us seem to be able to express ourselves about that...

But how does one talk about feelings WITHOUT being so touchy-feely? What are some words to use?