new lease / big mess

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
new lease / big mess
54
Mon, 03-29-2004 - 10:05am
Well, first of all, thanks to everyone for their support these last two weeks. I've gotten quite a few laughs and gained a lot of insight as I've spent more time here.

Friday night I went out with a friend who told me his troubles and pending divorce story. Over $100k in gambling losses from his W... made me feel like a real heel. Then I told him the entire story of mine, the A and everything. Funny, here's a guy who has lost all of this but when I told him about my M and how it's been he felt bad for me.

His advice was the last in a long line of peoples' advice that suggested my own place while getting through all of this. In fact, the only person who hasn't suggested it or agreed with it is the OW...

So I went over there afterwards to tell her that I felt really good, that I really knew I had to get my own place in order to smartly end things in my M but still have time to spend with the OW. Finally, despite being scared to death and mostly way over my head, I had a real plan I could believe in and execute.

Guess what. She doesn't like it. In fact, it doesn't appear that she's going to be happy with anything short of my moving in with her. And not just moving in, but also taking her out and meeting most of my friends and family... basically she won't be happy unless she gets to be the new W. I don't know if this is a change in her meds last week, self defense, fear or what... and she can't tell me. She just says that she isn't sure if even my moving in would be enough now, that she really doesn't want to remain a secret a minute longer.

I understand she feels hurt and upset that I'm not where I thought I'd be right now. But I now have a lease on an apartment 2 blocks from hers so I can see her even more often, and I'm not pulling away from her at all. Instead I'm still taking care of her financially, driving her around while her car is down, and basically putting myself through all of this so we can be together soon. And now she says she doesn't know if it will be enough.

Guess I'm just angry because I feel like I gave my W years to try to come around, and now she takes me serious since I've said I'm done and moving out. Then the OW gave me a few months when I've taken her serious the whole time and tried to do everything I could to prove to her that we have a future.

I'm so angry with everyone this morning. I guess the bright side is I have my keys to the new place and I'll be moving out this week, and then everyone can just bite me. I've tried so hard for so long to be good to the people I care about, I'm looking forward to sitting on *my* couch, watching *my* TV, and trying to be happy for myself.

Thanks for letting me vent. Feel free to raise your hand and chime in if you're sick of living for other people.

rain

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2004
Tue, 03-30-2004 - 1:27pm
I think Juliet you just lost track of what we are debating.

Just to remind you, we are debating if Rain should be skeptical of the new OW or not. I am proving points based upon the info he had provided us that he should be. In all your posts you are trying to attack me personally for the opinions I have posted and nothing objective to whether Rain should be skeptical or not.

PG

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Tue, 03-30-2004 - 1:59pm
Yeah sure phiily keep "debating". Kudos to you for keeping down the personal attacks and keeping things objective.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
Tue, 03-30-2004 - 2:00pm
Hmm. Well, actually a previous love interest gave me that book six years ago. And being younger and at least twice as arrogant as I am now, I didn't read it.

Rescue women... me? Do I do that?

::blushes::

Maybe I should stop and get that book on the way home today... food for thought if nothing else. I try not to ignore contradictory opinions since that's usually where I learn something to either shore up my argument or erode it.


thanks

rain

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Tue, 03-30-2004 - 4:41pm
OMG...DOCTOR LAURA????


Rain NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Not her!!!

DO NOTTTTTTTTTT buy that book...

Pages