A new man in my life

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2008
A new man in my life
4
Tue, 10-07-2008 - 9:51pm

I am married and he is single........


I am new to this.. I had never had an affair or even though of it until a couple years ago. The flirting started between myself and a customer at my job. I was attracted to him but never said a word to anyone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2008
Wed, 10-08-2008 - 5:49pm

Hi Beach,


Well several things stick out in your post.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2008
Wed, 10-08-2008 - 6:58pm

Thank you for the reply. Re-reading my post then reading yours...Boy I'm setting myself up for a messs it seems. I like this guy. We are friends but I have been attracted to him for a long time. But also I am almost certain, if I did go further, my heart would really get into it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2008
Thu, 10-09-2008 - 12:20pm

It sounds as if you already have your answer, but I just wanted to tell you that I am glad to see that you have some apprehension about taking things farther.

I think that most people enter A's w/ intentions of keeping things just physical, but you can only be intimate w/ someone where the sparks are flying for a little while before feelings develop. If you ALREADY think that this MIGHT be dangerous then you better cool believe that it is. If you even think that you're feelings will spiral out of control, then I am SURE that they will.

Try to make your M work. Go on a weekend marriage retreat, and rediscover what it was that made you fall in love w/ your H. Having a A is a lot of work, and truly a emotional rollercoaster ride. When you factor in the fact that you could ruin your marriage behind the A, it's just not worth it.

This might sound stupid, but when I was in school I got in trouble and what that teacher said that day really stuck w/ me. I hope that I can articulate this well enough for you to understand.

Let's say that there is a lottery. You and 999, 999.99 other people. Now the way it works is if you win, you will win a penny from the loser, BUT if you lose YOU have to pay a penny to the other 999,999.99 people, making you pay just under a million dollars. Now the chances that you will win or lose is only 1 in 999, 999.99, but considering that if you win you will only get a penny, but if you lose you will have to pay out all that money isn't worth it. Is what your willing to risk, worth what you win as opposed to what you will lose. The risk of paying out a cool million is not worth the risk of only gaining a penny.

I hope that I was able to explain that clear enough for you to understand that what you can potentially gain by entering an A is not worth what you will lose if your H finds out. The pay out if you loose is so high that it off sets the little that you will gain IF you win. I can't help but think that in this game everybody looses somewhere down the line, and my story has a happy ending. My MM is leaving his W this month so that we can be together, but I regret that she will be so hurt that he is leaving her for me, AGAIN (long story, but it was my fault.)

I don't know if that helps you any. I wish that someone would have told me about the lotto in those terms before I took that second plunge, even though I love my MM more than any words can express. Good luck in whatever you choose.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Thu, 10-09-2008 - 12:35pm

i am in a relationship with a MM..but i'm single..it's easier for me to be available to him...and i do have a very full life..i have a son about to be a senior in hs next year and he has a lot on his plate in which he needs my assistance...i have a full time job and a very close knit family which know about him and are supportive to me in all ways...and all of my siblings are married, in the church and don't have AP's at all..they are non judgemental though...so that helps...i would say re-consider and evaluate your M first...this is a hard situation as it is..although my AP doesn't have to fight for time with me..i can break plans with my girls, or cancel other dates to be with him and he's already invested, incorporated and set himself in my son's life so dividing time between them is never and issue the three of us are together everytime he

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss