new, need somewhere to talk

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2008
new, need somewhere to talk
3
Sat, 12-06-2008 - 5:01pm

So here is my story. I've known my MM for six years. We have always been... I want to say flirty, but, it was more then that. We have always been connected. But, nothing came of it until about a year and a half ago. We hadn't seen each other in about 2 year and I was in

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2007
Sat, 12-06-2008 - 10:25pm

Welcome DEHG 123 to the board, welcome to the place where you are not a home wrecking bitch, or least not alone in that role ( haha).


you wrote: " I have not had tons of happiness in my life... He makes me happy. Why is it wrong that I want to hold on to that? ". No, it is not wrong, human nature is to hold on to anything or anyone who makes them happy. One advice I can give you is to set boundaries straight. Even though he talked before about your future together ( and it is good, you stopped it). He later tried to justify that he is happy, so do not think he would leave his W for you ( well, not at least in a near future, and to be safe, do not hope for it all). And the reason I am saying it is because my AP just told him that he does not feel any guil about our relationship, but he feels good about it because it makes our marriages more fulfilling ( not exact words, but similar). Well, so far it was the worst thing i have heard from him. I told him it did not apply to my marriage, but honestly, i felt somewhat used that our relationshio was making his marriage more satisfying.....On this board we always talk how an A is always a rollercoaster, it has its highs and lows and lows can be very very low. He makes you feel very happy like nobody else, believe me, and sorry to say it, there is a high chance he will make you feel more miserable than anyone else ever...because it is an A.


Hope you will find lots of support here....come and vent when you need :0


HUGS

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2008
Sun, 12-07-2008 - 12:56am

Welcome to the board...

Carrrrrried...away2
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2008
Tue, 12-09-2008 - 10:44pm

Thanks for the support and the advice. It's been a year and half... longer if you count the five years that we were able to resist. I've said goodbye more times then I can count, he's said goodbye more then that. And yet, here we are.


Yes, he says that he is happy with his W and family... he also says that I am the object of his desire, his weakness. Does it make sense that the fact he struggles with it, the fact that I know that he tries to stay away from me and from us... that those are the things that make me feel the most connected to him? He didn't go out and look for someone to cheat on his wife with. He isn't cheating because he is unhappy, he is cheating because he found me. We found each other.


And now, what is he supposed to do? He is going to turn 30 in two months. They have been together for 15 years! Half of his life he has spent with this woman. His first love, his wife, the mother of his children...


I get so mad sometimes. Thinking that if I had met him even a month before they got married things would be different now. Or if we had acted when we first met instead of trying to do the right thing... But, then he wouldn't have his kids.


Sometimes he comes to me, and all he wants to do his hold me. Smell my hair, bite my neck. He is the only person in this world who has ever accepted me for who I am completely. He knows my insecurities, he knows my crazy and it hasn't frightened him away.


We live is a pretty small place. We hang out in the same area with the same people. The problem with us going where people don't know us is, the possiblity of us running into someone