New. Seeking some advice.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
New. Seeking some advice.....
5
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 10:11am
I don't know if this is the correct board. Every board I have posted to pretty much chewed me out. If this is the wrong board than please forgive me. I am only looking for support. I am currently married to my husband. We have been married for 8 years. I have a friend who has an interest in me. He said the other day "that he wishes I wasn't married". My reply was "me too". We flirt back and forth but nothing has never really happened. I would like to see this man on the side. I know if I hinted around he would be all for it. I can't get this man out of my head. I dream about him @ night. He is so kind and gentle. My husband and I have a really weird marriage. We got married when I was 16. We pretty much stay together for our kids sake. I have 2. And we are still paying off credit card debt. We have talked about splitting up in 2 years when the remainder of the debt is paid off. We really are more like friends. We still have sex but I want more. I don't want to be with my husband anymore. He is verbially abuise to me most of the time. this other man makes me feel so good. I love the attention he gives me. If my husband and I were planning on staying together than I probably wouldn't even consider moving in on this man. But I can't seem to help it anymore. I called today just to say hi. He was very happy to hear from me. AAGGHHH!!! I just had to vent. What is a girl to do? I want this man so bad I think about him all the time. Has anyone ever been my situation whether married or not? I will also say that I have only slept with my husband. He was my first. I want to know what else is out there. I keep dreaming how this man will be in bed. Shame on me. I know! Oh well. If I posted on the wrong board than I am sorry. I know that soon my time is going to come with this man.
Avatar for babeslvr
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 10:23am
welcome and you have come to the right place. let me start by saying i know how you feel. i hope you find the support you are looking for here, i know i have. i am glad you have found someone who treats you good. we all need that. i to deal with the verbal abuse. H (husband) is trying to control it but he doesnt do to well at times. my MM (married man) is wonderful and supportive, something H isnt. my M (marriage) hasnt been good for some time and i hope to end it one day. i need to get my ducks in a row first. i should let you know that when you become involved in an EMA you will find yourself on a roller coaster. you will have ups and downs. we here all do. hope you get the support you need.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 10:35am
You're in a VERY similar boat as I am. My H is also verbally abusive and I have decided to leave as soon as I am financially able to support myself and the kids. I may have a screwed up philosophy on the whole thing, but I personally figured there is no reason to stay miserable until I leave the marriage when there was somebody already there (OM) that actually WANTED to be with me and didn't verbally abuse me in any way. I guess that's how I rationalize my own EMA. I have been unhappy for the last 4 years now (out of 10 years total married) and I don't want to live another day being unhappy. It may sound selfish but my own sanity and happiness is more important than my vows right now after enduring this kind of abuse for almost the entire marriage.

I wish I had more advice to offer but I am still relatively new to the whole EMA thing too and am still learning the ropes of it all. Hang in there and follow your heart.

Charm

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 11:15am
We have a lot in common. This whole arena is soooo new to me, too. I'm here. I'm kind of a lurker, though.

s

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 11:43am
I'm on the flip side of this. I'm the OW and MM is very attracted to me. I am also attracted to him. He does want out of his M but has been with her since highschool and I think this makes it very difficult to leave. This is all so new to me also. We had our first kiss the other night and are suppose to talk tonight. I'm so nervous. Anyways, from what I know so far, just make sure you communicate w/ OM about your feelings and where you are. Good Luck and this is a great board w/ no judgements.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 11:46am
welcome you are in the right place,

sound like you should go for it if you plan to end the marriage then what are you waiting for. we only live once and we should be happy while were here. you should get together and see what happens, i only say this because it seems as though your marriage is pretty much done once you meet your goals for paying off debt. so live alittle and make those dreams come true i know how you feel i have and had dreams also and once it was real wow is all i can say those dreams didn't do him any justice. feel free to talk to me when ever and good luck and be careful.


princess