New Year's Resolutions Anyone? (musing)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
New Year's Resolutions Anyone? (musing)
5
Sun, 12-28-2003 - 6:00pm
A new year already! I've purposely not made resolutions at the start of the year in the past, thinking instead that resolutions should be made through-out the year...because I've thought of resolutions as goals.

But, with the beginning of a new life, I naturally look at some things differently. Resolutions are to resolve to *do* something - to have the tenacity to do it, while a goal is to *aim* toward something. I do still have goals, and my resolutions will get me there. It's easy to have goals - I can have as many as I desire, take my time in obtaining them. I have set some "impossible" goals without really thinking about it, except that it was something I wanted to gain...and I have without considering it was difficult. I didn't need the resolve, because there was always someone there to tell me how to do it.

I was so looking forward to 2004, but in the past few days I've suddenly felt like I was choking for breath, and scared. I didn't want to get out of bed yesterday, and well, it was easy to get back in bed and hide under the covers and cry. I can remember doing this once as a child - I was crying probably because I wanted something, or something didn't go the way I wanted, and I would keep crying, though no one was paying attention...and I eventually stopped crying and worked out that I wasn't going to get it or it wasn't going to go my way while I was crying. I reflected on this yesterday...that I wasn't going to get what I wanted by hiding, or by depending on someone else who isn't there when I need it.

Damn It! I believe in myself, and I am my own rock! If I resolve to remember this at least in the new year, I'll be happy. I'll be more firm in thinking of myself first, enjoy the journey more and worry less. I'll be less analytical and able to dream more. I'll not be running-in-place, and will achieve more. I'm not going to be the loyal dog that thinks she has to be in a pack to *be*, but a cat that knows how to survive on her own - and get out there and do it regardless.

My resolutions are in regards to my life in general. Pertaining to MM, yeah he's my rock in some ways, but I can't depend upon him *completely*. I've been able to keep a perspective of who he is in my life by going cave-dwelling when the emotions get too much - ah, but is that really living, and what do I fear when hiding? I don't know, but since I resolve to stop hiding, I guess I'll find out! And, ok yeah, instead of hiding under one, I am my own rock, but I'm still scared - where's my buddies that promised to hold my hand?!

Whew! Happy, Healthy 2004 to everyone!

Meow










iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2003
Sun, 12-28-2003 - 7:52pm
I don't really have anything to add to that. Just Thank You. I'm not a very eloquent writer, and you somehow seem to always say exactly what I am feeling. I pulled up your post through a mist of feeling sorry for myself tears tonight. Haven't seen or heard from MM in 6 days. I knew I wouldn't, but was still hoping...

You reminded me of what I resolved to do at the beginning of 2003. To be my own rock. I've been flying pretty steady down this road too. Right up until the da*& holidays hit me.

I'll be alright. And so will you. We all will :) And I can't hold your hand, but I'm giving you a mental hug right now! I know I could use one!

Happy New Year!!

CFH

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2003
Sun, 12-28-2003 - 8:38pm
Meow,

Hi! I have looked on the board from time to time to see if you were here. First I wanted to thank you again for getting me through an incredibly difficult time.

You are an amazing person. I know at times it may not feel like that- but that is part of life with all its ups and downs. It is OK to hide sometimes to protect yourself- that is natural...but just don't use that as a crutch to avoid life. I think it is important to try to spend your energies in happy ways and don't let things cover the light in your soul. All we can do is hope that each day is filled with thought, laughter and yes even tears! If you can do that each and every day- life will be full.

The year for me has been difficult, but slowly I am learning to get on with life. You really helped me to do that. MM has been going through alot- as I think you know he needed time to figure things out-- It turned out he was close to divorce and needed to have some distance so he could keep his marriage together (I did not want him to get divorced at this point either). Then his malpractice insurance stopped paying and he was trying to make ends meet. He put his house on the market. Then he had a seizure but fortunately will be alright. We started talking in the middle of this- after about 10 weeks of NC. He loves me, but still needs some space to be able to survive. It is incredibly difficult for me as things are not exactly how I would want them, but...

Anyway- it is great to "hear" your voice and reason! Hope all is well.

tb1004

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2003
Sun, 12-28-2003 - 9:19pm
Meow,

Sorry- I never put down my resolution.

For me, I have learned alot about myself over the past year-- some good and some bad. I know that we are not perfect, but I always want to be better. I look at my daughter (5yo) and I realize she has taught me so much about life and living life. She wakes up every day full of energy eager to take on what awaits her. She sees the world through the innocence and wonder of a child. She doesn't take a second for granted. So often I get all tied up in the little things and yet I know I am so fortunate to be able to do the things that I can do and to have so many incredible people in my life. I know the coming year will be filled with lots of ups and downs- I just have to remember to take them in stide and try to live life for all its worth.

tb1004

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Mon, 12-29-2003 - 9:17am
Meow,

Like you I usually don't make new year resolutions and stopped making them after I hit my twenties. This time though i have one resolution on my list and hopefully I will be able to work on it from the new year onwards. It has been a long standing resolution of mine - nothing to do with the OM, a personal goal of mine. I am maybe motivated after a long time to do something for myself the coming year and hopefully I will be able to make it next year. I am not much of a muser - not capable of expressing myself like you do anyway. Glad to see you post.

Juliet

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-29-2003 - 11:56am
wow, meow, you've been on the emotionally rollercoaster this weekend, haven't you!

if there's one thing i can say, as your cyber-buddy, it's this -- BE GOOD TO YOURSELF! enjoy what you have in life, instead of wanting what you don't have. relax and go with the flow. be sensitive to your needs and wants and in doing so, you'll be free to explore more possibilities and avenues in your future. and everyone around you will benefit, because you will be a kinder, gentler you and not an emotionally paralyzed little girl under the covers of life!!

LIVE LIFE AND ENJOY IT TOO!!

gurl