Newbie.. glad to be here .. i think?!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2003
Newbie.. glad to be here .. i think?!
10
Wed, 12-17-2003 - 8:58am
Hello . . I have been reading this board for a little while now. I have been chatting with a man online and we seem to click... Hes not too far away from me, but far enuff that its not right around the corner. Hes married Im married.. We met briefly a few nites ago.. Just to say hello, put a face to the name..Now were planning on meeting again for lunch.. Im excited and hesitant.. Hesitant cause I dont want to get played.. I guess my question here is, how do you all know that your man is seeing you and only you?.. Lets face it men are dogs most of the time.. ??I know they tell you babe your the only one, but how do u know?? IS it trust? How do u trust this man when hes cheating on the wife?.. I really have given this afair thought and he and I get along great.. very compatable, just just dont want used and abused.. Any suggestions?? any one have/had these thoughts?.. thanks for listening.. Vix
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Wed, 12-17-2003 - 9:07am
Hi, I also met my MM in that way, online chatting for several weeks, then meeting for a drink. We did that a couple of times, then a little kissing etc. in a vehicle, then we moved on from there very quickly.

In answer to your question about is he seeing someone else, I think you really have to get a feel for the man and if you believe him. Mine is very up front about that he loves his wife but there is no physical relationship there. He has children, evenings and weekends he is with his family doing things. Weekdays he talks to me online several times a day usually and we try to meet 1x a week. Mine also lives in another town. I do trust him though about not seeing another woman, he is a respectable businessman, and I know that the things we do together, he won't find with anyone else!! We have a spectacular sex life together!!

Once in a while we will ask the other if you think you would want to look for someone else? The answer is always "no".

p.s. and we've been together for over 2 years now.
xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2003
Wed, 12-17-2003 - 9:21am
WOW.. sounds just like me !..Im glad Im not alone here.. I so far have a little trust in him but not 100%.. maybe once we start to see more of each other that will happen? Your relationship sounds like mine totally.. Hes with his family nites and weekends.. Weekdays are mine we talk on the phone, chat online, the plan is once a week hookups.. Its all very exciting but nerve rackin at the same time! Its good to know someone else here can relate to what Im going through espically since the online meeting thing I dont think is the norm?...I just am really afraid to get burnt. I know how I am and I let myself ,get caught up and then I get hurt and I dont want that, but I also dont want to hold back and not have a wonderful time .. its all too confusing!! thanks so much for the quick response :) Vix
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2003
Wed, 12-17-2003 - 9:36am
Sounds to me like you haven't known this guy too long, and you've only met face to face once. I don't think that's enough to put trust in.

However, you in fact *know* that your man is not seeing you and only you. He's married! Would it make him any less a dog if you were the "only one"? Would it make him any more a dog if you weren't?

Sexual jealousy is what has put our civilization in the position now of one in three people being "unfaithful". I don't understand this desire for exclusivity with someone that you know is already with someone else.

Why not just enjoy what you share with your MM and not worry about what he does with the rest of his time (assuming nobody's bringing diseases to the table)? How would that be used and abused? And by the way, what does he think about the fact that you're married? Is he worried that he's not the only one?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Wed, 12-17-2003 - 9:45am
Well I think after a little time of chatting and 1-1 meetings, you will get a pretty good idea what type of guy he is, if he is in fact a "player" or not. Mine is definitely not. And he says I completely satisfy him and we are very comfortable with how our relationship has developed. No expectations on either side, except to enjoy ourselves when we are together. We don't even use protection, we trust each other that much. We are both fixed also so no pregnancy worries!! Good luck to you!!
xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2003
Wed, 12-17-2003 - 9:50am
Ok you have a valid point here..And no I havent known him too long.. I think the thing here , for me personally any way is, exclusivity is important because you want to be the one that makes him happy, the only one who is putting that smile on his face, that the wife can not any longer.. Wanting to know that its you hes thinking about, not you and her and her and the wife.. At least thats how I feel I cant speak for anyone else here..Yes I personally think he would be more of a dog if he were seeing me and other women and his wife.. Thats not an affair, thats a whole nother story and to me thats a dog..Of course this is all my personal point of view here.. As far as how he feels about me being married, he knows and accepts it and he asked if I were seeing any one else and Im not, and wont be and he accepts that.. believes it? I dont know, but when we discuss it, his not very concerned about it?..Vix
Avatar for nomoreregrets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 12-17-2003 - 9:54am
HI Vix and Welcome:) Well, my advice on this subject would be to follow your gut. Simple as that! I know it's new and exciting right now but lets face it. You have no idea who or where this man has been. Please don't get me wrong, I'm certain he's a wonderful person but you said it yourself "Men can be dogs". If this relationship goes to the next level, I would suggest a few things. Mostly, because you really don't know him. First of all always-double wrap:):) It's tough enough being involved in an EMA but you don't want any other pressure that can be solved by just talking. Trust me don't be shy! I've known my MM for 4 years; we've been seeing each other sexually for about 1 year and 4 months. When we first started talking about doing this we both talked about protection from disease. I haven't been with anyone other than (my once a year) with my H in over 12 years and he's been with his W for 17 years. He cheated once 12 years ago for about 6 months and I've had never cheated on my H and we were not worried about having babies. We're both neutered:) Anyway, out of respect for each other we both made doctor's appointments for check ups. We had the entire test made and both came back with a great bill of health. OMG, it's been none stop ever since:) The beauty of it all is that neither one of us has any hidden fears nor do we wrap at all. Am I making any sense at all? It’s only 6:AM here so I'm not awake yet:) Good luck and be careful! NMR
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2003
Wed, 12-17-2003 - 10:01am
Thanks NMR.. I have no intention of playing that way .. I have kids and i want to be around for them always!.. I know when the time comes this will be something that will be given lots of attention to! thanks for the thought :) Vix
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2003
Wed, 12-17-2003 - 10:04am
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Edited 3/10/2004 5:04 pm ET ET by geek_chic
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Wed, 12-17-2003 - 10:50am
Hey Geek Chick, I totally agree with you on this one. What does it matter, except for the disease thing. My SG has an on/off girlfriend. I don't know for sure if he hooks up with anyone else when he's traveling and out with the guys. I'm sure he does, but I don't really care. I'm married. He knows I'm only with my H and he said once that if there were other guys he was out. Never really understood that, but made me think maybe he doesn't play around too much. I never want to leave my H for this guy. If it's all for some sexy fun, just do it and don't worry about all the baggage. Don't we have enough of that in the rest of our life?! C
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2003
Wed, 12-17-2003 - 11:43am
First of all, I think you have to trust your gut instinct. And if you have any doubts at all, then don't pursue the relationship. Secondly, when you meet with each other, watch his body language closely - it will often say far more than his words. Does he look you in the eye to answer if you ask him a question? Does he have any nervous little habits when answering questions? - such as tugging his ear lobe? scratching his nose? attempting to partially cover his mouth with his hand when he's talking? There are a million little give-aways that someone is not being entirely honest - you just have to be on the look out for them.

And finally, if you don't trust your ability to judge the situation, you can always check out a web site like www.snitchster.com. and see if his email addy or online nic have been posted there by someone else he was or is involved with. Considering you met each other online, this man is essentially a stranger to you and someone you know very little about (for certain). You owe it to yourself, for your own safety (both physical and emotional), to ask all the questions you need to, and to find out as much as possible about him before you take the relationship any further.