If neither of them will tell you, then you will never find out the truth. Being female means we can pick up on those little nuances and my guess is go with your gut feeling.
If she appeared to be acting jealous, she probably was. Would that affect your decision to stay in an A with a serial cheater? If your friend was one XAP, how many more could there possibly be? Are you hurt because he may have cheated before with you or because it was with someone you know personally?
You havent given very much info here but i am sure you already know the answers to what you have asked. No youre not wrong to think anything went on but what will you do with the information if it became available to you?
Sorry you're going through that. I know that my AP/BF is a serial cheater, but we've been together three years now and I always assumed I was the only one who had this kind of R with him. Boy, was I wrong! Well, sort of. He told me (when I asked) that he'd been with his last AP for 10 years!!! You know, I am so not jealous of his W, but that little nugget of information dropped me to my knees and it really hurt, a lot. He tried to make me feel better and told me that he only used to see her once or twice a year...and that he never spent the amount of time with her that he does with me (which I know to be true) but still, it hurt VERY badly. I had to get over it, or it was going to eat me alive...and really, what was the alternative?
I would like to think however, that I am going to be the last one!
I wouldn't worry so much about whether they had an affair that's now over. I would worry more about whether they are still in an affair.
I had other affairs before my present one - two previous ones. I have told my OM about them. I don't think he's jealous.
However, some married men (women too - think it's more common with men) do carry on simultaneous affairs because they CAN. Since the whole nature of A's is "secret", they can get away with more than one - married women will not talk about their affairs, so even if a MM has two married A/Ps that are friends, there's little chance they will find out about each other. It can be a game of sorts, if he has the right personality.
Hopefully your MM is not one of those. I would say - anything in the past should not bother you - it's the present that is more important.
If neither of them will tell you, then you will never find out the truth. Being female means we can pick up on those little nuances and my guess is go with your gut feeling.
If she appeared to be acting jealous, she probably was. Would that affect your decision to stay in an A with a serial cheater? If your friend was one XAP, how many more could there possibly be? Are you hurt because he may have cheated before with you or because it was with someone you know personally?
You havent given very much info here but i am sure you already know the answers to what you have asked. No youre not wrong to think anything went on but what will you do with the information if it became available to you?
SB
Edited 3/30/2010 1:04 pm ET by amicrazy2010
Hi there,
Sorry you're going through that. I know that my AP/BF is a serial cheater, but we've been together three years now and I always assumed I was the only one who had this kind of R with him. Boy, was I wrong! Well, sort of. He told me (when I asked) that he'd been with his last AP for 10 years!!! You know, I am so not jealous of his W, but that little nugget of information dropped me to my knees and it really hurt, a lot. He tried to make me feel better and told me that he only used to see her once or twice a year...and that he never spent the amount of time with her that he does with me (which I know to be true) but still, it hurt VERY badly. I had to get over it, or it was going to eat me alive...and really, what was the alternative?
I would like to think however, that I am going to be the last one!
Good luck
benska
Edited 3/30/2010 1:05 pm ET by amicrazy2010
I wouldn't worry so much about whether they had an affair that's now over. I would worry more about whether they are still in an affair.
I had other affairs before my present one - two previous ones. I have told my OM about them. I don't think he's jealous.
However, some married men (women too - think it's more common with men) do carry on simultaneous affairs because they CAN. Since the whole nature of A's is "secret", they can get away with more than one - married women will not talk about their affairs, so even if a MM has two married A/Ps that are friends, there's little chance they will find out about each other. It can be a game of sorts, if he has the right personality.
Hopefully your MM is not one of those. I would say - anything in the past should not bother you - it's the present that is more important.
You've got a lot of choices. I
I had a very similar experience with my MM.