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| Mon, 09-29-2003 - 7:20pm |
Hi, I’m new to this board. I used to post on the Ending board, but after 2 ½ years of being w/out MM I decided to go back and give it a try. I don’t like the EMA situation but I am going to give this a try in the hopes that he will decide to D. Our EMA before was very… I guess platonic could be a word used to describe it. Over the course of about 2-3 years our friendship developed and sort of “naturally” evolved to the physical and deep feelings developed on both our sides. However, instead of going with the flow and letting things naturally progress, I abruptly ended it. We were both married. About 6 months later I decided I wanted to D my H. Then a few months ago I initiated contact with MM to see whether or not things in his life changed. Well they didn’t. But he says he misses me and would like to…basically…give me another chance. Yeah, I feel like he is the one giving me a chance. He’s giving me the opportunity to show him that I’m worth leaving a marriage for. And in a way I’m giving him a chance. I’m giving him the opportunity to show me he has the cajones to do it. Does this sound like it’s not such a good idea? Something about this is not setting right within me, but I want to go through with this just because. Because I really want to be with him, because I’m curious. Because I think (or maybe thought) that he really loved me. Because I’m lonely for him? Because I love him? I don’t know. Any insight?

But I will try.
First, you are divorced. You can date anyone you want. Why would you go back to a married guy? Are you TRYING to hurt yourself???
Second, you are going to prove to him that you are WORTH leaving his marriage for? If that isn't a doomed proposition, I don't know what is. If you measure your worth based on whether or not he leaves his marriage for you, you are going to be facing some pretty awful self-worth issues. He is not likely to leave his marriage. NO married person is likely to leave their marriage for their affair partner. Sure, it happens. But for you to be placing yourself in the position of trying to prove to him that you are worth it - well, it is just plain destructive.
Third, you are divorced!! You can date anyone you want! So, why would you take up with this married guy again, when it is only going to hurt you (see above)?!
"He’s giving me the opportunity to show him that I’m worth leaving a marriage for."
Did he say that, or is that your interpretation?
Fact: Your worth (or his interpretation of it) has nothing to do with his leaving, or not leaving, his marriage. In actuality it might even backfire on you, if he thinks you lack enough self-respect that your entire life is on hold while you are hanging around waiting for him to decide if he wants to leave his marriage.
I do know how hard it is, so I'm not being critical. I sense that you need to take this journey to learn it for yourself, but Lunachick, it's not going to be a pretty lesson.
I wish you the best...
Hate to sound like a broken record but its true that you can't measure your worth by whether or not he leaves his marriage.
Your D, enjoy life, find someone who can truly devote themselves to you so that you dont endure any more pain.
There is a reason why the EMA ended, why go through it all again?
I wish you the best but do whats right for you
Sweettendencies
P.S. Being vulnerable is vastly UNDER-rated. Nothing wrong with having human feelings.
move on and be happy!
take care,
gurl