Newbie here/Lost and broken hearted
Find a Conversation
| Thu, 01-15-2009 - 3:13am |
Hi all;
I'm new to the board and I just need to talk with like minded people.
I started something with someone a few months ago by the most random chance. I wasn't sure something was happening with "us" but I felt something happening with myself.
He kept contacting me and finally asked me to lunch- which we never did but I knew then that he was feeling something, too.
I would literally shake when I would see or talk to him. He would look at me in the most primal way. He wasn't creepy or corny just... Raw.
We kissed a few times and only had sex a couple times and I knew he would be leaving as he was being transferred out of state so I knew it was going to be a short affair although he kept stressing that he would be back here a couple times a year for training.
Then I got caught (I posted about it in the email tracker thread) and it came to an abrupt halt. He got confronted by my bf of 6 years and called me once to tell me to tell 'him" to back off and that it was over (he is married with children). I thought I would be okay since it was going to end (pretty much) anyway but I can't stop thinking about him and our times together.
He works up the street from our house and I drive by there almost every day and see his vehicle and it kills me.
I don't know, maybe if he would have called or emailed once just to make sure I was okay and didn't get beat up or thrown out- none of that happened or was even a possibility because my bf just isn't like that- but he didn't know that and I guess I would have thought he would be concerned or something.
I just miss him. I miss how he made me laugh and how he was so intrigued by what I had to say and the way he asked questions about things I talked about and the way I felt an animal-like desire for him. It's just ridiculous, I guess.
Just tell me it will pass- it's been about 6 weeks.

it sounds like you are seeing your path pretty clearly. yes he was cold for not contacting you - but that doesn't mean he never cared. it just means he doesn't care enough about you when the situation gets messy - he cares about himself and his family more.
a friend of mine who just broke up said give it at least 2 months to reduce the longing. you're almost there. and then give it another 4 months before you replace him in your daily thoughts entirely. somebody else out there may be able to give a better experience with that timeline.
in the meantime, have you asked yourself why your BF doesn't make you laugh and isn't intrigued by what you say or doesn't ask questions about things you talk about? maybe you need a new BF?
Mrs.
"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss
"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss
Hi witchy_girl.
I agree with the previous replies, but I also wanted to add something.
Hello everyone and thanks for your replies~
The situation with the bf just somehow deteriorated; we are wildly different in personalities and that was great because we fascinated each other and he seemed fine with my more "colorful" personality and night life craziness because I would always show up (before we lived together) and come home (after I moved in) and you know, wake him up and tear him up- to put it politely- because I was all jazzed up and in a fun mood.
But after a while he didn't like same bohemian/casual/red walls personality when it went beyond the circus sex he got at night. Or in his office at work. You know, whatever.
Then I just couldn't seem to do anything right, he was always critical and the more he criticized, the less I wanted to get crazy with him but he will never ever own up to him pushing me away, it was just me losing interest as far as he is concerned.
After a while I told him that it felt like he wanted me around only to say he had someone around (he's not a ladies man by far, never been in a relationship as long as with me) or to have someone flamboyant with him when he went to company functions- the exotic pet, I guess. To him , anyway.
I just kept hoping he would remember he liked me and stop nagging and griping and get the relationship on track again. After a few years it hit me that he knows I wanted to get married and I had already gave up on us having a baby (I do have other kids but I wanted one with him) because I didn't want to have one after I was 40, he didn't see the point in the things I wanted so to me it seemed like it would never go any farther because bf was semi satisfied with where things stood even if I was unhappy- I was feeling, I don't know, tamed I guess. Deflated. A shell of who I was. Controlled.
Then I met him; I already knew him him casually but had talked to him one day and that opened the door for him to pursue something. I didn't know that's what he was doing but he eventually said he had thought about me since we initially met and even made a point to drive down the street in front of our development and look down the street- even though you can't see the house from that street but I got what he was saying.
I didn't think we spent enough time together to develop deep feelings but apparently I did. Maybe I was hungrier for those feelings than I believed since I had been half existing for a while. AP is definitely typical of the type of guy I had dated before the bf; very, very strong. Kind of cocky without being arrogant. He hunts in his spare time and looking back, I was hunted. It was thrilling. So thrilling that I was turned on all the time-we only actually had sex 3 times and in a hurry so no one was able to show their "A" game and I was still worked up-