Newbie Intro And Confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2010
Newbie Intro And Confused
3
Thu, 05-06-2010 - 10:08am

Hello everyone I've been a lurker for awhile and finally decided to come out of lurking.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Thu, 05-06-2010 - 3:40pm

Welcome to MAS tinkerpixiedust!

First off, yes, you can find a "real relationship" this way - there are a couple of people here who have, and more people on the AAS board (after the affair support).

However, the worst way to end up together is because there was a d-day and one (or both) got "tossed out" and feel like there's nowhere to go except to the other one. You sound conflicted in your post about whether you should go or stay. Have you really tried to rebuild your marriage, or did you just "go through the motions"? Have you tried marriage counseling? Are you willing to REALLY give it a try, or do you think the marriage is over? You have to straighten out your marriage situation before you make any other decisions. If you want to leave your H, it should be a "no matter what" feeling - "No matter what, I want to end my marriage/leave my H, even if it means being alone". If you leave JUST to be with your AP, you might find that living with him is not the same as having an A with him, and the relationship might NOT work out. So imagine that possible scenario also - leaving H, being with AP, and then being alone. Could you live with that outcome?

I'm just trying to straighten out your thoughts in your head. Only you can make the decisions! Keep us updated!

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You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

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You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2010
Fri, 05-07-2010 - 9:44am
Thank you lexione for your advice!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2010
Fri, 05-07-2010 - 10:01am

I know you said your T had you envision a life post D...something else, traveling a little further down that mental path... pick a possible "outcome"...D, getting together with AP, being a single mom, etc..."make" that decision and "wear it" for a day or two. Play a little mind game w/ yourself that whatever that decision is, is what's happening. Putting yourself mentally