Newbie..having 1st affair..(long!)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Newbie..having 1st affair..(long!)
2
Sat, 09-06-2003 - 2:11pm
Hi Everyone!

My name is Heather. DH (Patrick) and I, have been married for 9 months and quite frankly, the sex stinks. I never want to do it and I just couldn't figure out why. I thought it was by BCPs, so I changed them, various times, but it didn't help. We've tried toys, videos, lingerie, everything..I keep telling him it's not his fault, but I think I've finally come to the conclusion that it IS him. I've become pretty close and comfortable with my boss. I waitress at a small pizza/italian place. It is a VERY laid back place where the oldest worker is 30 years old. We just joke around and have a good time most nights. Recently B.C., the manager, has started hitting on me a lot..using suggestive language, giving me looks, brushing up against me every chance he gets..and I really enjoy it. I actually feel aroused when I'm around him, unlike when I'm with DH. We've starting IMing each other pretty regularly and flirting more and more. We've shared our thoughts about it with each other and I'm pretty sure this is going to lead to amazing sex..is there anything I should watch out for or any advice to give besides "be careful..he's your boss!"?? :) I'm kinda excited..I'm sure you know the feeling. Thanks girls

Heather

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 09-06-2003 - 5:43pm
Hi,

I wouldn't use your real names here, or anything else specific that's tied to your real life. Just for your own secrets-safety.

I don't have advice for you, but your posts does make me wonder... why did you marry your H? If he didn't excite you sexually before M, what made you think things would improve once it was legal? Because even if you didn't sex before M, the arousal part would still be there, just as you are experiencing w/your boss now. And if sex was not important to you when you got M, what changed your mind now?

What you are about to embark on has the potential to destroy your M. That's the risk. I'm not saying it to dissuade you, just so you remember what's on the line. If that's a risk you are willing to take, then I would also take another hard, long look at the M and start getting out now, regardless of whether or not you get involved with your boss.

If sex w/H only got bad after the M, then there's something else going on. And decide whether it's something that can be fixed or that you want to fix.

Also, what do you want from this OM (is he M?)? Just sex? Something more emotional? Be sure you're both clear on what kind of R you're entering into... eyes wide open...

Good luck,

lily

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Sun, 09-07-2003 - 3:28am
Hi Lily :)

DH was actually the guy I lost my virginity to..and sex was great for a few years, but after a while it just got too routine no matter what we try and DH just isn't good in bed anymore. I still love my DH, but sex is so boring with him that when he tries to start it up I just don't want to because I have nothing to look forward too. I knew this wouldn't change just because we got M, but I certainly didn't expect any of this stuff with the OM to happen either. Usually I've been okay with not having sex much and so has he, but the OM just sends a million sparks through me. I'm aware that seeing the OM is very risky, but I think we can both be discreet enough to handle it just fine..and we mutually agree that this R is just about sex, and nothing more. I'm interested to see how things play out..I'll keep everyone posted. Thanks for your reply.

xoxoxo