Newbie....my story

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2004
Newbie....my story
3
Wed, 02-25-2004 - 1:34pm
I just stumbled upon this site and was wondering if I could get some advice. A little background. Both me and H are 28, married 1 1/2 years w/o kids. Lately, I have become very unhappy at home. H has begun to treat me like crap. Money is always an issue. H has been saying nasty things like if I wasn't going to help him then we should get divorced and I don't make enough money;therefore, I cannot have any fun. The list goes on...I'm selfish, lazy and that I cheat on him(I have never done anything before). So anyway, a single friend of mine had been talking about another single guy friend of hers saying we should meet and that we would like each other. A couple of weeks ago, they came over to my house while H was at work(he works nights 3 days a week). We all talked and they left. Next day, I emailed my friend and told her that he was cute. She said he thought the same. So it became a running joke between my friend and I that I should get together with her friend. I'll call him B. That B should be my boyfriend etc. My friend(I'll call her J)called one day and said that B had an extra key to his house and that I could have it if I intended to use it. I was shocked. I told my friend that that wasn't what I wanted. Well, things got out of control rather quickly. J, B, a mutual friend and I went out Saturday night. Things moved rather quickly(but not that far) with B and I. I was having fun so I didn't care. Got home rather late and after H. H bounces at a bar on the weekend. I am usually home before him. Anyway, he wanted to know if I cheated on him. I had not. All day Sunday H wanted to know if I had a boyfriend etc. I had not talked to B and I cannot define the relationship so I said no. Talked to B online Sunday night and he wanted to know if it was just one night. I didn't want it to be. He didn't either. Talked to B Monday and decided to pursue the relationship. Had a really bad day yesterday. H yelled at me because I left a piece of paper at home that needed to be faxed for the refinancing of our house. He didn't have time to bring it by the office because he woke up just in time for school and then he had to go to work. I've been having thoughts of leaving H. He is too difficult to live with. He does nothing around the house yet gets upset if something is not done to his satisfaction. So I went over to J's house and had a good cry. J made a comment that really upset me then later that night I threw it back at her. So now J is mad at me. She did a complete 180 and said I shouldn't pursue anything with B until I figure out if I want to be married or not. I think she is jealous because then B wouldn't pay attention to her. I'm afraid she will say something to H. I know she has probably called her sister and some other friends bad mouthing me. I sent her an email apologizing this a.m. but no response. B and I hung out after he took me home from J's. I think we went a little too far but not that far. He wants me to go over to his house after work and after H goes to work. I don't know if I should. I don't know if I should pursue this. B says I will eventually have to choose between him and H. I feel a responsibility toward H. I am Catholic and this would be the first divorce in the family. Mom & Dad do not like H. They tolorate him for me. I am very confused. Not sure what to do with H, B or J.

Sorry so long. This whole situation has my stomach in knots.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Wed, 02-25-2004 - 2:34pm

hi inamess and welcome!

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Wed, 02-25-2004 - 2:46pm
HI your friend J was right deal with H, he cleans up his act or your outa there, no woman in he right mind stays in an abusive relationship period.

When your out of H house then chase B if you want to.

FREE

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2004
Wed, 02-25-2004 - 5:32pm
thank you for your advice. things between H and I have been bad for quite a while since Oct after he came back from being gone for 2 1/2 months for training. B is a recent(within 2 weeks)development. Just needed someone to get me to talk to H. I have decided tomorrow night I will talk to H about our issues. I have a feeling it will get ugly. H tends to turn everything into a screaming match. That is why I have not brought it up before. I am a shy, non aggressive person; H is a outgoing aggressive person. We have been told several times by people who know us and who don't that we do not belong together.

If nothing can be solved, I may have to take it to the next level.