New..do I belong..and other sentiments..
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New..do I belong..and other sentiments..
| Mon, 11-17-2003 - 3:24pm |
Oh boy. Am I writing this? I am not in an affair, I don't think, or maybe I am. I am in my early thirties, married 7 yrs with 3 great kids. College educated, good job, good husband, good friends, bla bla bla...as if I need to distinguish myself from those of you who are not as "wonderful and blessed" as am I. (ugh)
Well, here goes. About 11 years ago, I met a man, a police officer, married with 2 kids. He had responded to a call at a neighbors. He would drive by just about every day after that for months to say hi. I soon figured out he was married. We remained friends. We continued to visit and chat on the phone occasionally. Things soon progressed to the point of feelings being involved. An "affair of the heart" I suppose. I dated other men. After about 18 months, our relationship became physically intimate. One time. One time only. I was sick to my stomach over it and madly in love with him. He was in love with me. We could not even look at each other for months. He riddled with guilt and me with pain. We eventually became friends again although I don't remember who made the first contact after that. It was probably me. Anyway, as I said before I have been married now for 7 years. We are still friends. We live in the same town now too. We sometimes see each other in passing on the freeway, but other than calls and emails, there has been no contact, but for one morning I met him briefly to bring him homemade cookies. No physical contact, just the passing of cookies from one car window to another. Anyway, I have gained quite a bit of weight from my last pregnancy. My youngest is not yet 2. I have had a hard time losing it. I have just realised that it is my fear of ending up in an affair with this man that keeps me fat. As long as I am overweight, I will NOT even consider seeing him. I would die of embarrasment. I know, in my heart that if I were thin again, I could not resist the urge to see him and hold him. I don't even think that it would lead to our becoming intimate again. I just still love him so much and miss him too. How can I love my husband and him at the same time? I feel so awful. Please help me.
Well, here goes. About 11 years ago, I met a man, a police officer, married with 2 kids. He had responded to a call at a neighbors. He would drive by just about every day after that for months to say hi. I soon figured out he was married. We remained friends. We continued to visit and chat on the phone occasionally. Things soon progressed to the point of feelings being involved. An "affair of the heart" I suppose. I dated other men. After about 18 months, our relationship became physically intimate. One time. One time only. I was sick to my stomach over it and madly in love with him. He was in love with me. We could not even look at each other for months. He riddled with guilt and me with pain. We eventually became friends again although I don't remember who made the first contact after that. It was probably me. Anyway, as I said before I have been married now for 7 years. We are still friends. We live in the same town now too. We sometimes see each other in passing on the freeway, but other than calls and emails, there has been no contact, but for one morning I met him briefly to bring him homemade cookies. No physical contact, just the passing of cookies from one car window to another. Anyway, I have gained quite a bit of weight from my last pregnancy. My youngest is not yet 2. I have had a hard time losing it. I have just realised that it is my fear of ending up in an affair with this man that keeps me fat. As long as I am overweight, I will NOT even consider seeing him. I would die of embarrasment. I know, in my heart that if I were thin again, I could not resist the urge to see him and hold him. I don't even think that it would lead to our becoming intimate again. I just still love him so much and miss him too. How can I love my husband and him at the same time? I feel so awful. Please help me.

Edited 3/10/2004 4:05 pm ET ET by geek_chic
Hi beesbadgebunny,
There probably isn't a better place for you... I'm sure you should find someone around here who can give you advice in any particular area :)
I think you may have a few issues to deal with... and as geek chic said... maybe talking to a counsellor would help get these issues addressed.
Sweet
Co-Community Leader My
I want to see him. I have convinced myself that maybe if I could just kiss him one more time it would be out of my system. Crazy huh?
No honey, you're not crazy. And no, just one more kiss won't get him out of your system. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news ... or is that good news? You're addicted ... like so many of us here. You got a taste of this man and now he's in your blood.
How can you love him and your H? Hmmmm ... easy. You just do. I love my DH as my husband and I love my MM as my friend and lover. My MM is everything DH is not and so with the two of them I AM A COMPLETE WOMAN! Do you hear me?! That's why I feel soooo good after being w/ MM. I am finally complete. It's like a fix. Just to hear his voice has me in a tailspin. And this is going on 2 years soon. I have the same affect on him. We've both promised eachother never again and I promised to say no when he wants to and he promised to say no when I want to. Does it work. Hell no! So we both just gave up and resigned ourselves that this is a forever kinda thing and we'll be friends and lovers forever, until we can't for whatever reason. In the back of our minds we know that this could end any day and that we'd have to go cold turkey and suffer, but like I said, that's in the BACK of our minds. For now, we just enjoy eachother's time and company together. My MM makes me laugh and lifts my spirits. What more can I say?
Luvin