New...Pondering is anyone happy here ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2004
New...Pondering is anyone happy here ?
7
Thu, 04-01-2004 - 8:44pm
Well I am new here...heavily lurk though and finally got the nerve to "delurk" and tell my story and ask....Is anyone as Happy as I am in their A ??

I have been involved with my MM (me being M as well) for nearly 2 years -

I believe it's been the most amazing experience of my life ...outside of the typical birth of a baby...blah blah stuff you hear about - He and I totally connect on a level only someone else in my situation would understand -

I get no pressure from him what-so-ever on either of us leaving our spouses

He asks me often to spend time with him and I do my best -

I ask him to spend time with me and he does his best -

NEVER any pressures...- just time to laugh smile and feel amazing

It's crazy how important, amazing, beautiful, smart, funny, silly, appreciated, loved, adored, wanted and needed this man makes me feel - Mind body and spirit and beyond -

I just hope I can offer some support and I can get some in return for my cranky days when I am missing MM -

Thanks

Kikki...not really my name but sounded sort of what a woman in my situation would call herself LOL !!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Thu, 04-01-2004 - 9:06pm

Hi Kikki and welcome aboard,


Your relationship with MM sound pretty much the same as mine... both MM and I are married and neither of us place any pressure on the other in regards to our marriages and spouses... we both understand that they are our number one priority in all of this.

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2004
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 6:22am
Hi Kikki!

First, LOVE the "name!"

Secondly, yours and Sweet's posts were exactly what I needed to read today. I have only been in my A for 3 months but I've known him for years. I love my husband and marriage and have no intention of leaving and neither does my MM. We have such a wonderful time when we're together. It's so easy and fun and yes, SEXY! It's hard to imagine continuing this for as long as you and Sweet have, but it seems like everytime we see each other, it gets better.

You have obviously struck a wonderful balance in your life. From other things I have read on this board, I think the key is to accept it for what it is and not try to mold it into what you think it ought to be. But I suppose that's true of almost any relationship, isn't it?

Thanks so much for your insight and for giving me hope that this doesn't have to go down a deep, dark pit of despair!!!

Have a great weekend!

Jess

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2004
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 8:11am
HI Kikki~

I am new here also just posted for the 1st time this am.

I was so happy to read your post your situation sounds so similar to mine

that it is actually erie...LOL

I have been involved with MM for 2 1/2 yrs me being M also ... we both have children.

I too am looking for the support on my not so happy days when you just wanna be with them

and cant,and even the happy times... Looking forward to getting to know everyone

Have a great day!

Hugs~

My Good Time
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2004
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 8:27am
Hi Kikki!

New here too! Thanks for the reminder of why I want this A. Sometimes I let the craziness of it all overwhelm me! Been having a few bad days and am frustrated.

The OM is no longer married so the dynamics have changed and neither one of us quite know how to handle the A. I hope to get us back to where we were a year ago, that's where I want to be...

Great times, laughter, flirting....The reasons we started in the first place

Thanks!

flirt
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Sun, 04-04-2004 - 3:55pm
Hello

I was happy to read your post today as well as the others who responded. Your situation sounds somewhat similar to mind. My MM and I are both married with small children. Neither have any intentions of leaving our spouses. It was never even a thought. I have been in this A for about a year and a half. Our relationship is mainy emotional as we do not get to see each other too often and even when we do we are not sexual although we do kiss. Like Jessie said I find our A "sexy". For me it is just something I need. I love having him in my life. We have set our own boundaries. I like what we are and what we do.

I too turn to this board especially at those times when I have lost my perspective temporarily and need some grounding or just wish I could see him more. It doesn't happen often but when it does I

Looking forward to hearing more about your EMA

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Sun, 04-04-2004 - 5:27pm
Hi Kikki,

Am I happy? Yeah baby, I am so happy today. I got a final date for meeting with the MM and another big news he has decide to separate from his wife like myself. YOOOHOOOO!! Whew, I am glad he came to that decision by himself, I wasn't going to say anything to him about ever... Can you say I am on cloud nine??? :-)


Fuuny

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2004
Sun, 04-04-2004 - 9:17pm
It is WONDERFUL to hear all the positive posts and see the balance that can be achieved in this situation. It is also very helpful to know that it is "normal" to go through the frustrations every so often.

I have been in my A for a year now and am still going through the roller coaster ups and downs of wanting to be with him versus keeping everything "as-is". There are days that I want to live an "honest" life and be with him and there are days when I think that this situation is comfortable since we are not ruining the facade we've created with our family and friends.

My H and I have no kids but my MM has a young son. He has no problems leaving his W but it literally hurts him to think about leaving his son. I told him last week that we should consider keeping everything as-is considering the pain that he is feeling of possibly leaving his son. The biggest issue I am trying to overcome right now with this whole acceptance of keeping everything "as-is" is the jealousy that I feel regarding his W. Even though I have a H (who I see as a best friend) and he and his wife act like roommates (he admits he married the wrong woman), it still hurts me to know she gets to see him every day. I am definitely happy about our A but boy does it hurt when you miss them and just want them near you. Ours is long-distance so we only get to see each other once a month...if that.

Hope you don't mind this question Kikki...you mentioned the birth of a child in your situation...who had the child? The reason why I ask is my MM is getting the pressure of having a second child. He has been avoiding the situation for almost a year now and he obviously can't tell anyone that the reason why he doesn't want one is because of me and his fear of losing me. (I hope I'm not being selfish but it would be hard for me to accept that)

Thank you all for your posts. It is very helpful and I appreciate the openness, understanding and support that is given here.