this no contact thing is killing me!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2004
this no contact thing is killing me!
3
Wed, 03-17-2004 - 2:04am
I don't know why I am going through this! Today is the 6th day since I have talked to him. I have people coming to me at work telling me they have talked to him and that he is not doing good. It is driving me crazy. I wish he would let me help him. He is so stubborn! Not wanting the kids to think they are separating because of me is one thing . But to put me on the back burner with no contact is not the thing to do. I can't take much more. I have needs too. I know he trust that I LOVE HIM WITH ALL MY HEART!, but I need to hear his voice and feel his touch to know this is all real. I don't understand how he expects to keep it all a secret from the kids when everyone knows. He better get ahold of me soon or....
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Wed, 03-17-2004 - 7:25am
XX I know you're hurting right now...

I went back to read other posts of yours before I answered this...

I'm trying to figure out what kind of insight I can give you...

First I wouldn't go with the ultimatums, seems as they can come back to bite you in the ass...

You feel he should be coming to you with all that's going on right now in his life, I understand that...being as compassionate and loving woman that you are...but men think so differently than we do...

I just don't know if I can say anything to make it feel "all better"...

If you were my child, I'd kiss your "boo-boo" and make it feel all better...

Your heart is aching for this man, I can identify with that...

I guess the only advice that I can give is that if you believe in him, to step back...easier said than done, but it seems he's trying to deal with some very tough issues right now...

He knows you're there for him...his WIFE knows you're there for him, and that has to be an issue in his NOT contacting you...he might be trying not to make waves with her right now...

If you can trust one of those from work that are giving you updates as to how he's doing...have THEM get him a message to him for you...

That you love him and your heart is with him...and that you're there when he needs you...

In the meantime, go out...have a green beer in honor of St Patties Day, do something for YOU!!!

And try as hard as you can to stop obsessing over him if you possibly can...

The breakup of a marriage is tough, and there ARE kids involved...try not to discount their feelings in this...

(((((((((((((((xxx))))))))))))))))))))))

~Laurie~









iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Wed, 03-17-2004 - 7:35am
xxx...Laurie had some REALLY good advice. Remember, that when all is said and done he'll be with you right?? I know it's hard to go with NC. But in the long run, it will all work out. Do as she said, and send a message through a mutual friend.

Girl keep your head up, We are all here to support you and pick you up when you are falling. Love ya!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Wed, 03-17-2004 - 10:27am
Just want to second Laurie's advise... sometimes the hardest thing to do for someone we love is nothing. He will know your sacrifice and understand how you are supporting him from 'afar.' Give him a little time to get through this, and let us help you through it too. Sending a big ((((hug)))) your way.