No more A's.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2011
No more A's.
18
Thu, 09-20-2012 - 2:59am

I've stopped. No more AP no starting an A. It's all over.

Now I'm starting to panic that H is having an A I don't know about. He's not the type it seems but then I know better. Also, my mother in law...darling lady that she is...keeps saying I should worry about him having an A. That I should be VERY happy if he isn't....that I should kiss the ground he walks on in case he is tempted by someone else. Her ex husband cheated on her. I think she's got some desire to see him do the same to me. I honestly think it would bring her some joy. I'm not going to lie and say her words don't make me feel bad and question him. Who am I to question him anyway? H tells me he loves me constantly, tells me I'm beautiful, he sings songs to me....he has been the old H I used to know lately...almost like a switch!!! He turned back on as soon as I ended my A!!! 

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2010
Thu, 09-20-2012 - 8:30am
Blue, maybe you changed when you A ended and your H sensed it.
~Sunny~
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
Thu, 09-20-2012 - 9:23am
I'm so happy for you Blue and wish you & your hubby all the best. I think you will see now that things will get better because all your focus will be on him and he will feel the difference as well.

Are you going NC with XAP? Does he know it's over?

 


Much peace & Love,


Rayne


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2012
Thu, 09-20-2012 - 9:33am

Let's take a pragmatic look at it.  If he is indeed having an affair, would you REALLY want to know?  I mean he's treating you well and you're happy.  They say ignorance is bliss and maybe a little ignorance is what is best.  If he's having meaningless sex, but coming home to you because he loves you... well you know exactly where he's coming from.  I personally wouldn't pick apart details and blowharted mother in laws.  Your H loves you and only you.  I wonder if there is possibly a little guilt from your past actions taking over here that's feeding your conscience?  The past is the past and it needs to be left there.  Don't let it eat you up.   

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2012
Thu, 09-20-2012 - 9:52am
Pleases, you couldn't resist could you? LOL
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
Thu, 09-20-2012 - 10:39am

Lol pleases.  I agree with sony.  Personally, I'm one to always dig for the truth & want answers; it's something I'm trying to change because it's a huge waste of time.  If you found out today that H was had or is having an A, would it change anything?  The important thing is you're happy now and moving forward.  Shame on your mother-in-law!  I can think of a dozen things you should say back to her, but they're mostly inappropriate!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
Thu, 09-20-2012 - 11:08am
I was thinking about something else completely when you mentioned the alphabet addiction....; )

Doing the alphabets sometimes help with the A's & O's lol.

 


Much peace & Love,


Rayne


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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2011
Thu, 09-20-2012 - 1:33pm

 

I'm glad to hear this Blue - and I agree with Sunny - I feel that your husband didn't change when you ended your affair - YOU DID

Best of Luck to you on this journey, it may not always be easy, but I really think it's worth it.

.

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2012
Thu, 09-20-2012 - 10:24pm
Blue, i have been following your journey and i am very happy to here you ended things with the narcissist, he even admitted to his self obsessed behaviour in the end too, which is good closure i would say. I agree with Peppermint, in that when we are in our A's our spouses flaws are magnified and their positive traits are overshadowed.

You just need to find the spark again with H, find an activity you can do together sans child, just the two of you, put all your focus towards reconnecting.

I wish you well.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2012
Thu, 09-20-2012 - 10:30pm
Provided no Z's enter the bedroom, whilst trying to achieve O's, all is well I say.:smileywink:
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2011
Fri, 09-21-2012 - 1:29am

Thank you everyone! I really love MAS...and I actually think it's MUCH healthier to post here than it is EAS when you begin the end to the A. Our group here is less judgemental (we do have our weird moments) and I feel like regardless of what people are told...only WE know what is good for us individualy and only WE can decide what is best for us.

I can honestly say I don't regret my A. I never really had a D-day so that's a blessing. Plenty of times I felt down and hurt...there were times I thought I was going crazy from desire, jealousy, hate, anger, love....but it's all part of the ride. I've even started to find the innocence I thought I'd lost for good...mostly when I look into H's eyes. I know H and I are in a good place now and that doesn't always last but I do love him more than anyone. I hope I can continue this feeling and keep my demons at bay.

XOXOXOXO,

B.R.

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