No Touchy Touchy!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2003
No Touchy Touchy!
4
Sun, 10-12-2003 - 1:49am
Hi Everyone!

I've been kind of lurking on this board for a month or so waiting for an "event" in my EMA to happen, so that I could post. Instead, I kind of forced an event on Fri. and now I would like to see if this has happened to other people--I think I know it has, and I know now I will feel more comfy posting here after this. I have been seeeing my MM off and on for 10 yrs. sometimes with up to a two year break.(Breaks brought on by me) However, as soon we see each other again, we are kissing, and holding, etc. within 5 mins.

Friday of this week I asked to be made "offical"-I said it is obvious that we enjoy each other's company, we have had sex (only twice), lots of heavy petting, we talk, and enjoy sporting events together. I don't want to be wishy washy any more. I will not disappear for years at a time, If you will stop being wishy washy with me"

He gave me the "I will spend time with you, but we can't touch each other" speech. I also told him that every time we get together, that I conciously let him make the first physical move--he seemed disturbed that I did this--too bad--it's true. He never once mentioned his W but he said he wanted to be able to look his kids straight in the eye.

So, how long will our no touchy touchy rule last? Has this happened to others on the board? I seriously can deal with it-that's how much I like this guy-sounds dumb, but I will.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Sun, 10-12-2003 - 9:08am
How long will it last? You have ask him that. I would appreciate a man like your OM, since he is not using you just for sex. He probably wants more from your R than sex. Did he tell you that he just feels guilty or that he wants more from your EMA in the future? Don't get me wrong, I think sex plays an improtant role in a R, but its not always everything. Why do you think only sex can make an affair official? Do you talk to him, see him and do other things with him to make it official enough? However, if you feel that your needs are not being you should make that clear to him so that he knows how you feel about the not touch rule. That way both of you can be on the same page about your expectations from this A.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2003
Sun, 10-12-2003 - 3:36pm
Charmed,

You are absolutely right about sex not making an EMA "official". I actually had to go back to my MM and re-explain my original discussion w/him and say "It's not about sex" its about making a deal between each other" I wouldn't dare use the word "commitment" :)

You see, he is a delivery driver, and I know his route, so he will just say "well if you want to get together, you know where to find me" and I'm tired of that, non-commital thing. However, I'm single and when I get into a relationship, I go for sometimes up to a year without seeing him. So I told him that I won't do that anymore, I will always stay around from now on.

So now the "deal" is when I have a day off, we have a standing lunch date, and if he has extra tickets to a sporting event, he will phone me to go with him, but no touching each other. He says it makes him feel guilty around his kids, not his W mind you, just the kids.

I wish he'd just leave her and keep the kids, he does all the child rearing at home anyway. Oh, here I go ranting... sorry :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2003
Mon, 10-13-2003 - 10:37am
no touchy touchy, no affair. you are just fooling yourself. you are single, so why are you doing this to yourself?????? find a single man and have a real life!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2003
Mon, 10-13-2003 - 4:46pm
Hi Yoga,

I always do have single men in my life. I have even been re-married once while knowing MM. This is our first 'bout with keeping our hands to ourselves, that's one of the reasons I posted. I wanted to see if others have had this happen to them during the course of EMAs. I don't know why I'm still drawn to him for over 10 years, it kind of sucks that I can't just let him go. Seems almost the same with him, he started seeing me after he'd only been married about 6 months or so. Go figure, huh?


Wantd