Is that normal ?
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|Sun, 08-12-2012 - 10:33pm|
Nothing has really changed between me and AP. He still comes to see me every day of the week, despite it taking him 1 hr and the high gas prices, not to mention being busy. He still says that he loves me and wants to be with me. He still says that he doesn't love his W and doesn't see his future with her.
He even wants me to help him with his business and I did. It does make me feel more involved, he even says "we" when he talks about it and he doesn't mean his W.
Yet, every freaking weekend (and some evenings), I feel sad and anxious. As soon as more than 2 hours pass between his texts, I become restless and are no longer able to enjoy whatever I'm doing.
My weekends are not spectacular, it's basically spending time with my 4 year old son. I love him to death, but unlike many mothers, I just don't enjoy being with him 48 hours non-stop. I wish I could have some split custody, but my stupid ex decided that his new found ideals are more important than being involved in his son's life.
My AP is with his kids and he enjoys it. He always does something fun with them. And of course, the W is there too. And while they might not always do something super exiting, I still wish it was me who were there instead of her.
I've never been that needy in my whole life ! I used to be in a long-distance relationship with my ex and I was ok with one phone call every couple of days and I wasn't even worried about him cheating on me.
I thought that maybe I have abandonment issues. So I started seeing a psychologist. I read a couple of books on self-improvement. For now, not much help. I met new people with whom I can do activities with kids. A bit better.
But I'm still feeling sick and anxious whenever I don't hear from him for some time or if he's not sending super loving texts. How sick is that ?
I was ok with being single before I met him. I wasn't really interested in men and here I am so attached to him.
I thought about breaking up many times, but I figure that I'll suffer even more. But then, I might lose a chance with him. How many attractive, sexual, family-oriented men who love kids are out there ? And how many of them are crazy about me and are ready to raise my son ?
On the other hand, God knows when he decides that it's the right moment to break up with her. What a f &^%$ed-up situation I got myself into ! I wish he continued telling me that he's not leaving his W, it would have been so much easier to move on !
I'm starting to wish that there was another man who would came and save me but of course, it's not gonna happen....
The limbo continues for now.....