Normal to have crushes when married?
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Normal to have crushes when married?
| Wed, 08-05-2009 - 4:07pm |
I posted this on another board and they suggested I post it here even though no actual affair- emotional or physical- has taken place.
I have been with my husband 5 years and married for 2 1/2 years.


I think it's normal to have crushes on others when M and it doesn't mean you don't love your H. I know you say you aren't going to act on your feelings but want to warn you there. I was in a similar situation last year. I worked in the same field with a MM and could feel the attraction between the two of us. He never acted inappropriately until we were at our second convention the second year. I placed myself in that position and he acted on it and we were both drinking (not an excuse). He followed me around the entire week like a lovesick pup. He also told me he loved me, believed in soul mates, and I believed him because I felt the same. We would IM when we returned to work for about three weeks but he would never call. Said he couldn't for a period because W was always suspicious when he returned from the convention.
A male friend of mine said the MM acted that way while at the convention because a man likes to "mark" his territory. I fell for everything this MM said like a school girl. I look back on it now and think that I was so stupid to fall for this MM who from all accounts must be nothing more than a player. Now I dread the next confrontation with him. Keep things on a professional level with this guy so you aren't placed in this position. Remember....a MM (especially if he has kids) will NOT leave his W even if he no longer loves her. Puts a hurting on his wallet! You may say right now that it wouldn't head in that direction but where your feelings may lead are unpredictable.
Thanks for your advice and the warning
why don't you try to spice things up in your marriage? Tonight, when you very first see your h, grab him and kiss him SO passionately, that he's pretty sure he's gonna get some. Play footsie with him under the dinner table. Grab a sitter and take him out. Have a drink, go for dinner, dance a little, go "park" someplace, take him for a walk, hold his hand. tell him you love him. Get some spice, get some love. Maybe plan for a weekend away, maybe don't tell him, but arrange with his boss for him to have a day or 2 off, arrange everything from the sitter to hotel and transportation, pack his things while he's in the shower and tell him that he can't ask any questions, just get in the car. Take him away and BE together. Take food in case you don't make it out to dinner.... Or, if you don't have any, get some lingerie, get some toys, create a kinkier than normal plan (whatever kinkier is to you). You've got to do something to get things more interesting in your sex life, if that's truly the only area that is lacking. DO something, don't take this chance with your marriage.
There was a time when I had my dd watch her brothers (she's 14) and grabbed my h, told him to just get in the car and not ask any questions. I parked in a very dark area a few blocks from home then ordered him out of the car and into the back seat. He thought we went someplace to argue. Boy, was he surprised when I climbed in the back seat and had wild, nasty sex with him right then and there. But, unfortunately, it was more than sex broken in our marriage (in fact, sex is one of the 2 things we do well together) so we are still getting divorced. sometimes, though, you just have to kick things up a notch.
You have to get really into your h to get this other man out of your head.
I think it's normal to have crushes. Biologically, I think our DNA likes to mix it up a bit and get the most variety in offspring out of us. Our DNA doesn't know that we're on birth control or have had our tubes tied. It doesn't care. After being married for awhile it seems like our senses are "on" again, and will notice someone who really floats our boat LOL. The period of "infatuation" (from 6 mos. to a few years - it varies) is the one where we don't even look at other guys and can't imagine ever being attracted to anyone else. It seems to normally last about as long as a pregnancy plus a year or two of a baby's life.
It isn't something you can make go away. It isn't something you can "get over" voluntarily. It IS dangerous. I'd suggest avoiding the guy when possible, and when in his company, stay as far away as you can without looking rude. Telling your H might be a good idea because it makes you "accountable" and he will be aware. But only you know how he would handle it.
You've got a lot of choices. I
Personally, I think crushes are a normal part of nature.