Not quite the perfect A
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| Sun, 03-28-2004 - 1:06am |
This will be long, so grab some coffee and possibly a snack.
This month, I met MM and his family..them for the first time. To say it was awkward would be the understatement of the year. I actually LIKED the W he has such a problem with and her Mom is absolutely the most amazing woman. His kids were precious and I enjoyed them immensely as well. All of us being together wasn't nearly as uncomfortable as I imagined..maybe because we'd had so long to prepare for it in advance. Even watching the two of them together didn't hurt half as much as I thought it might. It did, however, make me think. They definitely have some serious marital issues, but they seemed happy for the most part. There was a bit of guilt there..just a hair until he told me his W hates me. The first couple of days were wonderful and we had joked back and forth and each of those nights she went back to him and shot me down. Why would she be so two-faced about it? I still don't understand that. MM and I didn't behave inappropriately in the least.
Now here we are a couple of weeks later. Yes, the month afterwards is always the hardest since there's such a great distance. I miss his kids tremendously and they are hurting for me as well. There have been several "issues" since we parted and for some odd reason I can't quite get things to click mentally..hopefully you guys could lend a hand there. Right after coming home, he called me to say that things were going to get ugly on his end and he'd handle it and make sure things went a certain way. Basically telling her she couldn't pick his friends, hobbies, job..etc. (control issue) When it came to it, tho, he actually began to bow down to her and my perpective on all of this changed dramatically in that moment. I sent him a scathing letter more or less telling him g'bye and so long as well as the reasons I was angry. If he couldn't fight for his kids well being, his happiness and for all intents and purposes, his family, then WHO would?
Fast forward to this past week. We've pretty much been hanging by a thread..on my end, anyway. Does he know this? Depends on how many female genes he has in his system. The way I see it now, my feelings are my business only at this point in time. He's been talking about coming to me for about 4 months now. Long enough for me to make necessary arrangements to spend a good chunk of time with him while he's here. After our trip, he started backing down and making excuses as to why he couldn't fly down..none of them valid when they were issues to begin with..ones he'd managed to work into his schedule. Then the other day he calls to tell me that he's taking the W,whom he hates vacationing with, to the Carribbean...and I'm supposed to be pleased as punch? I'm his life, his heart, his world and his dream and yet this is how it's supposed to work? I just don't get it..not even a little bit. Can someone give me a hand with this, please?

Why did you meet the whole family?
Sounds kind of kinky to me...
Are you M? S?
How long in this?
Enquiring minds need to know before we can play dear abby...LOL
Hi Aimless,
I have to confess to being a bit confused, too. Were you trying to move the relationship into an open one?
I can see where you'd be upset, hurt and furious. It sounds like he's trying to make amends with his W. Maybe that's what he needs to do to develop your relationship...and maybe that's what he needs to do in order to get _back_ to your relationship.
I've wondered if open relationships can work. I'm sure that it would take a lot of adjustments on all sides, especially in the beginning and _most_ especially if one of the parties involved didn't enter the original relationship with that sort of understanding and agreement.
Good luck and let us know how we can help.
(((HUGS)))
Cazrida
ROFL
I _do_ understand. My MM and I are writing books together. His W doesn't know that, although she knows that we talk about writing.
That's just something that we _shouldn't_ have to hide, and if we weren't in an A, I sincerely doubt we would ever have hidden at all. Of course, now, he'd have to explain how much time we've spent together to have already completed 1/3 of the book...
Boundaries: He had the same discussion with W back in December and January. He refuses to let her run his life, but he's also careful not to push her past the point _he_ wants. When he was leaving, he was much more open. Now, he's in partial appeasement mode, and truthfully, he doesn't want to hurt her. Its definitely frustrating, though. I know why I have to monitor my IM's at night. I refuse to monitor what I say in my emails. If he has to dump one, then I'll resend. He knows better than to open them when she's around, anyway.
They don't pick each others hobbies, etc. I never allowed anyone to choose my friends or hobbies, either. But I guess they do have to be considerate and not forget where the primary relationship is. I guess. ::rueful grin::
Cazrida