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| Sat, 11-29-2008 - 11:45am |
This is going to be longer than I wanted, but I know myself too well to know it will be brief.
I have been an on and off again poster, changed my name a few months ago, then went back to school and had no time for computers.
When I went back to school, it was to do something that I thought my heart had wanted to do for a very, very long time. Two months into school, academically I am doing great, but emotionally, I am falling apart. I cry every single class, not just cry, but breakdown. Every muscle in my body aches, and I am more than a little cranky when I get home. I knew that going back to school at nearly 50 would be HARD, and I was prepared for hard. I was not prepared for the emotional part of it. I seriously can't make it through any class without crying.
So, as far as WHY the crying, I have three things going against me:
1)hormones, I haven't had a period in almost three months (I will be 47 in January, my sister was completely menopausal when she was in her 47s).
2)since going back to school, I had to quit working full time, so I lost my insurance, so I can't afford my meds anymore, so I am off the anti-depressants that have kept me going for a very many years.
3)part of the reason I went back to school was because when my H was alive he always told me I could not do it, that I would fail at it, so I went back to school to prove him wrong. Oh well, guess what...Looks like he was right.
Again, as far as academically, I am doing super well, I have gotten A's on all the tests I have taken, and done just as well on the hands on, but, seriously, the tears are out of control. I am feeling like I am losing what little control I ever had.
MM and my dd's are so proud of me for going back to school. However, this last week got to be too much, so I didn't go to school

For MM to want you to stay in school is not controlling..it's encouraging and motivating..for sister to want to what you call "CONSPIRE" against you is not allowing your MM/AP to control you it's allowing him and her to be supportive...I believe you should stay in school, it will keep your mind off of things and at the same time allow you to work towards attaining a goal that you for-so-long wanted to achieve....nothing wrong with AP strongholding you to your aspirations.
"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss
As tygerzize stated, I believe that you should not totally quit school.
Thanks for your answers.
MM does pay for a lot, too much, in fact. He pays for our groceries every week,he gives us shopping money, he takes me to lunch nearly every day, and, he doesn't make a lot of money himself. He is supporting two families, his and mine. That is enough financial obligation for him.
I don't qualify for medicaid because I make too much money from the survivor benefits from H's social security. It's bull, it barely pays the mortgage, all the bills and a tiny bit of fun money, but I make too much for any kind of assistance.
Hi there,
I'm probably not the best one for advice with MM since I'm a wreck myself.
How long has it been since you applied for medical assistance? I have a friend who has three kids, and she didn't qualify, but after some reform, at least in my state one of her kids is now of age and she can not claim him, but now qualifies for assistance. There are programs like spend down accounts where you pay like the first $200, and then they will cover you from then on. Or perhaps your state has just a prescription plan that has much less restrictions on it. Good luck finding a program that will help.
Let me just put this bug in your ear. Having suffered from depression from time to time I can tell you, and you probably already know, that if you just quit school, and veg out in the house and then break up w/ AP your going to take your depression to a whole new level. You have to have something in your life that makes you feel.....I don't know......effective, important, needed. Something that occupies your time. W/o that you will go sh*t house rat crazy.
Whatever you do, you really do need some help. I am not sure if any of the suggestions on here w/ help you, and I know that pulling yourself out of a depression enough to take the steps it takes to get help can be very hard, but you have to do it. If for nothing else, for your own health, and safety.
Best of luck Sweetie. I can almost feel your desperation coming through the monitor, and I am very concerned. We are here if you need us.
"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss
Hey there Mom_goddess -
Just checking in with you to see how you are doing?