not sure i've done the right thing!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2010
not sure i've done the right thing!
4
Sun, 06-20-2010 - 2:53pm

I have spent most of this weekend questioning my A and questining my MM's behaviour towards me. After letting me down again and not responding to my message on FB I have took the decision to step back from this A.


I have sent him a message on Fb telling him I am stepping back and won't contact him again. That way he can decide what he wants without any pressure from me. I have told him I will wait I am not going to meet someone else but only for a certain ammount of time. In my head I gave him till the end of July to sort himself out( he doesn't know the time I have given him).


I have told him I think it is best for both of us because I can not live my life sneaking about and being 2nd best, snatching a few hours once a week if I am lucky. I said that he can not have his cake and eat it! I want him to use this time to make a decision on what he wants. I have told him that if he decides that he wants me he knows where I am and if not and he wants to save his M then good luck.


I have also told him I am not ending it with him if he wants to end it then he has to tell me.


I think that I have made a good decision because I really can't live on this rollercoaster much longer. If he means what he said to me then I will see the proof in his decision and I have told him this. No matter how hard this is and how much I am hurting I will try my hardest to stick to NC.


I feel so sad that I have had to do this I am sat here tears streaming down my cheeks feeling sick to my stomach at the thought of never seeing him again or speaking to him again.But in my heart I know that I have done the best thing for both of us. My mind is racing with thoughts of what if this is what he wants, what if he doesn't come back, how am I going to carry on when deep down it is breaking my heart!


I know that I have a tough time ahead of me and no doubt will shed many tears but I got myself into this mess so only have myself to blame for the hurt I am feeling.


ali x

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Sun, 06-20-2010 - 7:35pm

I am an ender, 6 months NC. I was much like you. I was on that same rollercoaster. I am relieved to be off. Why do you leave whether or not he wants to end it? Why cant you make the decision? How much more power over you will you give him? how much are you going to let him dictate you? I wish you the best, I truly do. I just figured you needed to be asked those questions and without a doubt I believe you done the right thing. Its a good and healthy start if you want to remain NC. please look on the EAS board. All the tools you need are there should u decide to remain NC. We really get u thru that is what you wish to do. Please just lurk if you would like to. We have all stood in your shoes.

Luvin

Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Sun, 06-20-2010 - 10:05pm

Many ((((hugs)))) to you ali!


I can't speak for your AP or your situation.

anotherseyes

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Mon, 06-21-2010 - 8:59am

Keep us updated Ali.

I think you've done the right thing, given the situation and how it was making you feel. Luvinmeforever has a point about "power". If you just take the reins and end it yourself, you do give yourself so much more power. But I sense that you're really hoping the relationship will continue, so I understand why you might not want to do that. However, give this option some thought. If you see nothing but pain ahead, even if he wants to continue the R, you might want to take those reins and have that power.

Whatever you do, please keep us updated sweetie!

Proud to be a





You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

Proud to be a





You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2010
Mon, 06-21-2010 - 2:21pm

Thanks everyone,