Not sure what to do!
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Not sure what to do!
| Mon, 10-06-2008 - 12:47pm |
I have been married for 5 years. My husband has never really been there for me or the kids. we have 3. He never could hold down a job. Got caught on the internet sex hook-up sites. I finally broke up with him back in March. I kicked him out and got a job while his mom watched my kids. I got protection orders from him after he had kindly let me stay at his apartment one night because my house was an hour away and when I woke up he was having sex with me in my sleep. I immediately called the cops. He was never charged. I was already dating another guy. He was only ordered to pay 150/mo total cs for 3 kids. The kids and I finally moved in with this other guy. He was great with the kids but has problems of his own. He was emotionally abusive. One night when he was drunk and angry for unknown reasons he dragged me out of the bed and across the house. So off he went to jail for 6 hours. I had to leave because I wasn't on the lease. The kids and I stayed at a shelter. I lost my job during this time because I couldn't find daycare. This all got overly depressing so I got really desperate and stupid and told my husband I wanted to get back together with hi. This was almost a month ago. He's been really nice since then and like the husband I always wanted. He has done every possible thing to keep me happy. The kids are happy. He's held down a job long enough to finally get medical coverage for the kids. We have a rental house in a nice neighborhood. The only problem is that I guess I truly gave up on him a long time ago and can't force myself to have feelings for him again like I once did. Even though I try. I feel sick to my stomach even to kiss him. All along I have been in contact with the other guy who went to treatment and is also being awesome. I assured my husband as well as myself that the guy and I would just remain friends and our kids play together and have bonded so much I didn't want to take that away from them. We all have mutual friends too. Well anyway I finally slept with the guy again after a lot of talking and a bit too much to drink so I guess I'm having an affair now. Wow! Definitely not what I want. But I have always felt comfortable with him and love him the way I remember feeling for my husband so many years ago. And I can't stand being intimate with my husband. I don't want to hurt anybody, which I know is inevitable. I know I did this for all the wrong reasons and I feel terrible even though they both hurt me first. I just feel lost right now and I want what's best for my kids but I don't even know what that is any more. Also my kids love their dad and the other guy too. Strange situation, I know. If anybody has any advice or insight please let me know. And if you want more info, feel free to ask. Thanks.

Oh, boy. This is not going to be nice.
Your life is a mess and has been for some time. Your description of your situation shows that you are making decisions that are almost guaranteed to get you into trouble (staying overnight at your husband's apartment, drinking too much, letting your kids get too close to a questionable boyfriend). You seem unwilling or unable to accept responsibility for the outcome of these decisions.
I suggest that you get yourself (forget your husband for the moment) into therapy and get yourself thinking straight. Then get your husband into therapy with you and see if you can save your marriage. Don't fool around with the boyfriend or with anyone else, as you need to keep your windshield clear so you can see where you're going.
Good luck, and mucho good luck to your kids.